Major Follies Lead to High Drama in NFL Divisional Round

Full disclosure here, I started this post on Monday and am finishing it today (Tuesday). And no, I’m not going back and changing tenses and stuff like that, so as I used to watch the Brits say in hokey sitcom reruns on PBS, buzz off.

As I began to pump my gas at a lonely I-95 rest stop early this morning before work, I accidentally bumped the super-duper-premium-ultra button instead of my normal regular-unleaded choice. But being too lazy to go to the effort of figuring out how to cancel the transaction and start over and not wanting to waste any more time in getting to the office as quickly as possible, I simply pumped gas into my pickup at a rate 30 cents per gallon more expensive than I would have otherwise paid. I rationalized the decision by saying that maybe at least for this 1 tank of gas I could have the benefits that primo-gas consumers enjoy regularly like supposedly better gas mileage, performance, etc…for me, that was kind of like what this sports weekend was like: games with bungling performances and decisions that somehow produced great results in the end. As dramatic as the games turned out, the weekend as a whole left a sour taste in my mouth. So, the idea that the 2013 divisional round was one of the best NFL playoff weekends ever is a little farfetched for me. Let’s start in reverse-chronological order with a game and sport that probably wasn’t on anyone else’s radar the past 2 days though…

Maryland at Miami…Of all things, why in the name of all things holy, would I include this game on this list? Well, with Washington TKO-ed from the postseason, I guess I had to interject a little local flavor. I must confess that I watched this game last night from beginning to end, and it was hard to stomach. The Terps held Miami to 34.9% shooting and 54 points for the game, and still lost! Not as hard to fathom when you realize Maryland themselves shot only 31%, committed 15 turnovers, and had only 14 points at halftime. While I still think the Terrapins can be good, I’m backing off my thoughts about them from a few weeks ago when they were still in the midst of a creampuff preseason schedule. Most of that has to do with Maryland’s guard play, which to be honest just isn’t very good. As a former big guy in middle school (before I cruelly and suddenly stopped growing), I can tell you that basketball is and always will be a game controlled by little guards on offense, and that doesn’t matter how good your big guys are. For much of last night’s game, whenever Maryland threw the ball to Alex Len he scored or drew a foul. While still somewhat of a project, at the same time he’s that good relative to the competition. But with Len in the game Maryland’s guards would still go seemingly a dozen offensive possessions in a row without even giving Len a touch on the inside, instead opting to dribble into tough shots over and over. As the 2nd half moved along, when Len would finally get a touch, he then found himself taking jumpshots from the outside. These are shots that he can make, but you would prefer to see him attacking the basket…but these shots are symptomatic of a big guy who knows if he doesn’t hoist a shot up when he gets a chance, it might be a while before he gets to touch the basketball again. Such is the curse of a gifted big guy playing with a slew of inexperienced perimeter players.

Houston at New England…Maybe the game with the least befuddling moments of the 4 playoff tilts this weekend, but while the Texans didn’t roll over and play dead this time, they didn’t exactly be all you can be either. Trailing by 3 scores in the 4th quarter, Houston’s offense seemed to take longer between plays than the Patriots no-huddle attack that they whip out in regular game situations. And speaking of those fast-break sequences, the Texans seemed ill-prepared for it…but then again, it seems like everyone else has been also.

Seattle at Atlanta…It’s easy to look the other way at Russell Westbrook’s gaffe prior to halftime because he was brilliant in the 2nd half and because he’s a f***ing rookie for Pete’s sake, but it did cost the Seahawks 3 points in a game they lost by 2… but there were so many blunders that set up the storybook finish in this one that we can just sweep it under the rug all together. The Falcons’ 4th quarter playcalling…Seattle’s pass defense that allowed Atlanta to go 41 yards in 2 plays that chewed up like 18 seconds to set up the game-winning field goal…Mike Smith calling a timeout with 12 seconds left instead of like, I don’t know, 2…Matt Bryant s****ing the bed on an attempted squib kick that gave the Seahawks the ball nearly at midfield…yes, the Falcons survived and moved on, but it certainly seemed to be in spite of themselves.

Even with a W, the Falcons had some 'splaining to do.

Green Bay at San Francisco…More full disclosure, I passed out on my couch midway through the 4th quarter, but truthfully anyone who had watched that much had seen enough anyway by then. Like New England on Sunday, San Francisco was in control pretty much the whole night, but the most glaring aspect of the game was Green Bay’s inability to stop Colin Kaepernick on zone-read plays…to the tune of a quarterback record 181 rushing yards. With more teams employing athletic quarterbacks who are running threats, these kinds of plays can no longer be thought of as gimmicky, college, trick plays. Why defenses continue to have their edge linebacker or defensive lineman charge down the backside of these plays is beyond me. Their assignment is usually to stay at home (regardless of a zone-read or not) to guard against bootlegs, cutbacks, and other misdirection plays, and when they do come flying off the edge it’s rare that they ever chase down a running back from behind anyway, so why? Guys like Kaepernick, Wilson, a healthy RG3, or Cam Newton are good enough runners as it is, but not staying at home allows them huge gains, often times untouched (as we saw Saturday night).

Baltimore at Denver…Saving the biggest derp team of the weekend for last, we come to the Denver Broncos. While the Falcons did everything they could to lose at the end of a game, they get somewhat of a pass because they did in fact win. Denver did not, and so they do not. Down 7, Baltimore tied the game late on a long bomb to Jacoby Jones where Broncos' safety Rahim Moore seemed to be in perfect position to make the game-icing interception…only he took a terrible angle and jumped about an hour too soon, causing the ball to fall to Jones. And this wasn’t even a great throw by Joe Flacco, as the ball was behind Jones and hung in the air for an hour, as Jones had to come to basically a complete stop to make the grab. It was such a bad defensive play that you usually don't see the likes of it in my weekend co-ed touch football league, much less a league of professionals. Probably the most surprised of all were Jones and Flacco, who both seemed stunned that the desperation heave actually worked. To top it all off, Denver got the ball back with 30 seconds left in regulation and a couple of timeouts, and they took a knee! Didn’t they see the end of the Seahawks-Falcons game from earlier? Oh no, wait they didn’t…I forgot I wrote this post in reverse-chronological order.

Mother of...

Anyway, just terrible decision-making all weekend long in the sports world. So, greatest weekend of playoff football ever? More like playoff football weekend filled with the most screw-ups that resulted in drama ever…ok, so the tagline needs some work, but you get the idea.

Spiraling Further Into A RG3-Depression

To anyone who actually reads this blog but doesn’t want to hear me go on about Robert Griffin again, tough cookies. Let’s just call this RG3 week. 3 days after Griffin went down in a heap in the Redskins’ playoff loss to the Seahawks, I am still stuck at anger in the 7 stages of grief. Angry that something still seems slightly off in the whole examination and doctor’s clearance to play over the last few weeks despite the fact that Dr. James Andrews and Mike Shanahan finally seemed to have gotten their stories straight. Angry that the Washington Redskins, valued as the 3rd most profitable franchise in the NFL, couldn’t provide a better playing field than the barnyard slop that was played on last Sunday. And most of all, angry that I was forced to watch a 22 year old franchise quarterback drag himself through 3 quarters of a game looking like a wounded animal. I’m even a little angry at RG3, who on the one hand should be commended for his toughness and fortitude, but who also propagated the now common misplaced belief that professional athletes are essentially soldiers who would rather die out on the field of battle than be relieved of their duties. As tough and physical as football is, the men who play it should not be treated as warriors or gladiators. Yes, the risks are inherent, and those that have ever played any sport know the risks that go along with it, but at what point is enough enough? Let’s not even talk about the fact that, despite what Griffin or Shanahan or anyone else says, RG3 was injured to the point that a healthy Kirk Cousins was a better option to win on Sunday, but at what point does someone have to step in and say, “I can’t let you do this to yourself anymore for your future's sake.” I’ll never forget the court microphones being close enough to catch West Virginia basketball coach Bob Huggins berating a referee after star player Da’Sean Butler suffered a serious knee injury during the NCAA tournament against Duke with no call. “A senior All-American player lying on the ground with no call…it’s just sad”…or something to that effect. And that’s really what Griffin’s injury on Sunday felt like…just sad. What could be sadder than watching a world-class athlete hobble around on a wobbly knee for 3 hours, and then have that knee collapse like a Jenga tower after chasing a bad snap in the mud pit that had become FedEx Field? RG3 supposedly had a successful surgery this morning to repair a torn ACL and LCL in his right knee. His prognosis indicates that if everything goes well with his rehab, he might even be ready by the 2013 season opener…a big if though considering the severity of the injury and the fact that this is the 2nd time Griffin tore that same ACL in like 3 or 4 years. Griffin gave everything he had to this team this year…too much if you ask me.

Worst...Day...Ever: Redskins' and RG3's Season Goes Out with a Limp

A few hours after the Redskins' home playoff loss to the Seahawks, my depression hasn't even begun to wear off...it might still be a while. As a fan, there are worse ways to watch your team go down. A buzzer beating play or a loss directly the result of a terrible official's call are probably the most difficult ones to swallow. A blowout is humiliating and disheartening, but the fact that your team never had a chance actually softens the blow a little.

What happened to the Redskins this afternoon, might be sandwiched somewhere in between ref-screwjob and blowout. Washington raced out to a big early lead and then slowly let said lead slip away like air out of a punctured tire. The kind if loss is particularly hard to take because it's a slow death that you can see happening...like watching each individual air bubble leave your mouth while you drown.

After jumping out to a 14-0 lead, watching Russell Wilson and the Seahawks slowly take control of the game was tortuous.

Since RG3's knee injury, anyone with half a brain can see he hasn't been the same player. But Griffin looked slightly better last week than the week before, and looked even a little better (although still hobbled) in the 1st quarter as the Redskins jumped out to a 14-0 lead. However, a couple of plays before Griffin threw his 2nd touchdown pass of the day, he re-tweaked that knee on a scramble. Even with the early head start, the game took a completely different tone following that drive. You could sense it watching on TV. The crowd could sense it. Most importantly, Seattle could sense it. Even with the early deficit, it was obvious they smelled blood.

Alfred Morris still ran hard, but Griffin's injury allowed the Seahawks to key on Morris. Gimpy as he was, the threat of RG3's play action/bootleg ability wasn't scaring anyone. And with Washington's offense unable to sustain drives and stay on the field, Russell Wilson, Marshawn Lynch, and the Seattle offense moved the ball mostly at will the rest of the game.

Then, this happened...

Midway through the 4th quarter when Griffin's knee buckled trying to retrieve a bad snap of all things, it was almost too much to take. Ironically, moments later the Verizon Fios cable feed went out in the house. I was enraged and relieved at the same time...down 10 with 5 minutes left to play with your backup quarterback entering the game against a stingy D is not ideal to say the least. By the time I got the cable back on, both teams were exchanging post-game love and face-mushes (thanks, Trent Williams!)...game and season over.

With Griffin laying on the turf, you got the sense that the 80,000-plus people in attendance were simultaneously on the verge of tears.

If Washington had simply lost, it would have been heartbreaking, but it would have been considered a great success of a season to say the least. I will have to go back and check some of my preseason blogs, but I think I had the Skins winning 5 or 6 games even if RG3 was a stud. 10 wins and a division title didn't even register as a possibility. But now, we patiently await results of Griffin's MRI and hope for the best. We also will have to deal with 2nd-guessing about how Griffin's injury was handled and stories speculating to what degree he really was cleared to play...a season that should have given fans much reason for hope in the future suddenly is the cause of doubt and despair.

For This Ravens-Hater, Ray Lewis' Retirement Evokes Conflicting Emotions

As I emerged from doing some nursery-painting yesterday, Krissy was cooling down on the treadmill with Sportcenter on mute. As my brain processed the words in the crawl at the bottom of the screen, I couldn’t help but read the news aloud. “Ray Lewis is retiring?” I am not by any means a Ravens’fan…actually, I mostly despise the Ravens, so the news didn’t exactly hit me like a ton of bricks. In fact, Lewis was often my main reason for derision towards the Ravens.

Sometimes it seemed like Vince McMahon gave Lewis some notes for his pregame entrance.

I think you could accurately quote me at one time as saying Ray Lewis was the most overrated defensive player of all time. My argument was not that he wasn’t any good at all, but rather any above-average linebacker could look like a tackling machine if he played his whole career behind massive road-grading defensive tackles as Lewis has. I also always found Lewis as somewhat of a product of his own hype, what with his endless choreographed pregame introduction dances and celebratory chest-poundings after tackles following 4 yard gains by opposing running backs. And it’s hard to write any Ray Lewis career summary without mentioning the fact that he quite possibly (and maybe even probably) murdered 2 people earlier in his career... but let’s try to leave this to on-field exploits. (He’s also done a boatload of community and charity work over the course of his career…not saying that would cancel-out a potential double-murder, but let’s just leave all that out of the convo for the sake of this post.)

Fortunately for Lewis, his play on the field made that pesky double-murder thing easy to forget.

Over time, my stance on Ray Lewis (similar to my stance on Derek Jeter) has softened, and my respect for him as a player has grown. He was great against the run, he was a punishing tackler, and (without looking at the stats) he has to be among the all-time leaders in interceptions among linebackers. Probably more than all of that, he was 1 part The Undertaker, 1 part George Patton. Other generations have Butkus and Mike Singletary, but I can’t think of a more intimidating presence on the field in my lifetime. I have seen All-Pro caliber running backs run away from the hole to avoid a Lewis hit. And by all accounts, few football players have ever fired up the troops and served a leadership role to Lewis’ extent...and maybe his whole shtick, which always appeared to be very self-promoting, was more passionate preacher than petulant prima donna after all. While I think part of my overrated comment is valid (the part about him having great players around him his entire career), I've done a 180 on thinking he was simply above-average. No matter how much of a Raven-hater I am he belongs in the conversation of greatest middle linebackers ever, proving once again that greatness is greatness regardless of what jersey color you wear.

2012, It Was Nice Knowing Ya: Redskins, [Fantasy] Wrap-Up, and Rankings, Oh My!

In all likelihood, this is going to be my last post of 2012, and there’s a lot to cover…so let’s get right to it.

The Redskins have exceeded every one of my expectations this year, and no different was this past Sunday when the rookie backup quarterback to the rookie starting quarterback played, looked great, and led Washington to a decisive victory, which was their 5th straight. With RG3 returning this week against a hapless Eagles team, I am still waiting for the other shoe to drop (lifelong Skins fan as I am). This can’t really be happening, can it? Washington in the driver’s seat for the NFC East going into week 16? Fasten your seatbelts, folks…

At the very least, I have confidence that Cousins can carry the vacated title if RG3 goes down again.

Fantasy football came to an early end for me again this year, as I bowed-out to my brother-in-law Nicky in the 1st round of our league’s playoffs last week. It was a fitting end to my season really. I backed into the playoffs with a 6-8 regular season record, faced the number 1 seed as the number 8 seed, and had James Jones’ 3 touchdown catches and 24 fantasy points on the bench. (I lost by 27, but it was still a sucker punch to the gut for him to blow up like that). At the end of the day, I would say I lost this league in the 1st (my keeper), 2nd, and 10th rounds. DeMarco Murray has missed 6 games this year, Stafford seems to have regressed, and Evan Royster was a wild swing-and-a-miss for a sleeper pick…Alfred Morris is the league’s 8th rated fantasy back, on the other hand. All of that is a recipe for disaster.

Less commercials, more touchdown passes, please (Jerry Rice stole the show in those ads anyway).

Weekly NBA Power Rankings? Sure, why not?!?

1. LA Clippers (19-6, PR=6)…Big leap for Lob City here in week 2, and the other teams didn’t really do anything that warrants getting dropped, but 11 straight is 11 straight. CP3 looks locked in at the moment and hungry for his 1st ring a la LeBron last season.

Showtime is back in LA, and it has nothing to do with the Lakers.

2. New York Knicks (19-6, PR=2)…Melo accumulating some bumps and bruises has to be a concern, but this team is still rolling right now. They might get some reinforcements soon with Amare’s pending return, but I’m wondering if that’s going to mess up their feng shui at all.

3. Oklahoma City Thunder (21-5, PR=4)…Have the league’s best record even with a loss last night in Minnesota thanks to a 12 game streak of their own. Durant looks to be on a mission on par with Chris Paul's above.

4. Miami Heat (17-6, PR=5)…LeBron and Miami looked like the varsity scrimmaging against the JV last night facing a depleted Mavs team. Looks like they can still turn it on when they want to.

5. Memphis Grizzlies (17-6, PR=1)…Damn, all they’ve done is win 3 in a row, and they drop from the top spot to 5th? Such is life this year in a very top-heavy league. Something tells me Team Grindhouse won’t pay outside perception much mind though.

30. Washington Wizards (3-20)…This team is such a mess that they probably deserve their own blog post at some point, and the story that the owner turned down a potential James Harden deal because he didn’t want to commit the money is depressing to say the least. Maybe they will at least split a home-and-home with nearly as dreadful Detroit coming up.

In the Words of Eminem, "Where the F***'s Kanye When You Need 'Em?"

Even though this is a blog, and I can technically post whatever I want without any regard for past posts, I still feel bad when I don’t give updates to certain posts that have become somewhat serial in nature: weekly NBA power rankings, Redskins’ Monday morning quarterbacking sessions, periodical fantasy football updates, my personal injury status, etc…but even when I’m falling behind on those fronts, sometimes something presents itself that I can’t pass up: this time it’s one of my coworker’s inane sports-related babblings.

There’s really only one thing worse than being wrong: being loud-wrong. This dude is a good guy all in all, but to say he’s passionate about sports is putting it mildly. And since I work in an office of mostly dorky engineers (me included) and program managers, most of the athletic opinions he espouses go unchallenged no matter how ridiculous they may seem. (Said coworker has made a B-Court All-Star appearance once before as the coworker who boasted he could bench press 225 lb., close to double his own weight…yea.) Most of the time, I ignore him and go about my business, but he's been in rare form lately. Here’s some of the doozies I couldn’t quite lay off of over the past few weeks.

Oh, s***!

In sports betting, picking against the spread is a 100% random process.

There are no good short basketball players.

No good basketball players come from small high school programs

An average team from our company adult intramural basketball league could beat the majority of the country’s high school basketball teams.

He’s annoying to argue with partially because he always assumes he’s right no matter what. He also often doesn’t really know what he’s talking about. For example, when I asked what he had based any of these hyperbolic basketball statements off of, it wasn’t from a lot of experience playing or watching basketball…it was based off of the heights of and common high schools where college prospects were listed on recruiting websites.

Arguing with him about this stuff is also obnoxious partially because there is an element of truth to most of his opinions. Yes, there is a degree of randomness to picking against the spread because that’s the way sports work in general, but there’s a reason people with enough resources and brains can actually make a lot of money off of sports betting. Yes, height obviously is a huge factor in basketball, but not every good basketball player is 6’8”. And what exactly qualifies as “good?” Division 1 players only? Yes, there are certain high schools like Dematha and Oak Hill that are basketball factories, churning out pro prospects like an assembly line, but did every high profile baller come out of schools like that? The answer would be “no.” And I have watched a lot of high school basketball over my lifetime, and I know the level of play of a lot of the players in this work league…let’s just say that last statement is not even close to true.

If you stay in a discussion with him long enough, you will usually find that these statements cover up some hidden agenda of his. He stinks at picking games against the spread, or he is short and stinks at basketball; therefore, all short people must stink at basketball, and so on…today was another doozy that, even with my voice so hoarse that it is barely audible, I couldn’t lay off of: Maryland’s drop in men’s basketball ticket prices shows just how crappy their athletic program is.

What…wait…what? Ok, yes…Maryland’s athletic program is in a particular state of suck-titude right now. The football team is awful. They have had to cut certain sports because they aren’t raking in enough money. Their move to the Big 10 was a pure money-grab. And even the men’s basketball team has been successful to a degree, but not to the standards they had made for themselves as of late. But…what?

Exactly.

Even if Maryland’s athletic program was flourishing, why wouldn’t they do that this time of year? Students are home on winter break. The gym is going to be half-full, especially if they’re playing schools like Monmouth and Stony Brook. You might as well get as many people through the gate as you can so you can sell as many sodas and hot dogs as possible. This idea made just as much sense when Maryland wasn't financially in the tank. But if you hang around just long enough, you will find out that the genesis of this statement has to do with said coworker’s comparison to athletic fandom in this part of the country to that of somewhere like the University of Florida, where he grew up near and roots for to this day.

Comparing collegiate sport support between a place like Washington, DC, and just about any SEC school is silly. There are a million things to do and see in and around DC, and its population is absurdly transient. It’s a Redskins’ town and a basketball town, but hometown support for any other team or school fluctuates depending on who’s hot in that moment. SEC-country is a completely different culture, where many schools like Arkansas and Alabama have little competition to hold onto people’s attention. Schools from that pocket of the country produce fanatical (and sometimes radical) supporters that steal each other’s mascots and poison each other’s historic trees. The craziest (and dumbest) thing Terp fans do is burn their own couches in the street. This doesn’t make sports fans from this area better or worse…it just makes them different.

Ok, maybe that's a little bit crazy too...but mostly just dumb.

And that’s the point. Save your over-generalized and mostly unfounded opinions, dude. They’re not going to fly over here! I don’t mean to pick on this guy…but I will continue to do so here because I enjoy it!

Government Friday: Fittingly, The Home Of The Laziest Post Ever

Sometimes I just really want to post something, but I either don't have anything good to write about, or I am too lazy to write...or both. Well, today I'm stooping to the ultimate form of blog laziness, and I'm just posting some funny pics I found when scrolling across the Interwebs a la The Chive. Actually, most (if not all) of these are pilfered straight from The Chive. I could write about RG3-knee-calypse, fantasy football, or any number of other things, but f*** it...super lazy...super-duper...yep.

Have a good weekend, nerds.