Don't Call It a Comeback: Weekly NBA Power Rankings

I know life had other ideas, but the Weekly NBA Power Rankings have hardly been weekly so far this season (December 12th, December 21st, and today). Since we are officially at the All-Star break, let’s try to seamlessly jump back into them though…maybe no one will even notice…maybe.

1. Miami Heat (36-14, previous ranking = 4)…We’ve spent much of the 1st half of the year thinking that the Heat are probably the favorites to win it all, but that they also may have been suffering from a slight championship hangover. Well, in the last couple of weeks they have gone from just turning it on when they wanted to being blisteringly hot (7 straight W’s). LeBron has been historically efficient over that span of time, but let’s not overlook Wade and Bosh, who have both shot way over 50% from the field during this stretch as well.

The King has been scary-good the past few weeks.

2. Oklahoma City Thunder (39-14, previous ranking = 3)…Count me as 1 of the people that doesn’t think James Harden’s departure hurt them that much, and last night’s home loss to Miami may have been somewhat of an aberration, but it just plain seems like the Thunder aren’t quite as good as the Heat again this year. And even with the 2nd best player in the world and the best team in the West, that’s probably going to still only be good enough for 2nd place in June.

3. San Antonio Spurs (42-12, previous ranking = unranked)…Even though San Antonio is more often than not close to the top of these rankings, I hardly ever have any superlatives to write about them. And I feel bad about that actually, I really do. But they are so boringly good (if that’s possible) that they aren’t much fun to write about. They have the league’s best record. They sometimes sit their big 3 all at once and have a starting 5 of Kawhi Leonard, Boris Diaw, Tiago Splitter, Nando de Colo, and Danny Green, and they still beat good teams like the Bulls on the road with relative ease. So, there you go, Spurs. Don’t say I never said anything nice about you.

4. LA Clippers (39-17, previous ranking = 1)…The Clippers have had their great depth tested with CP3 and Griffin nursing injuries lately, but their returns as well as Chauncey Billups’ ability to play himself back into shape make this a scary roster. I’m still not sure if they can beat the Spurs or Thunder in a 7 game series. If you play smart, disciplined, and together, you can make them look pretty ho-hum. If you don’t do those things and they start to smell blood (like they did last night against the increasingly feeble looking Lakers), they can make you look really, really, really bad.

5. (Tie) New York Knicks (32-18, previous ranking = 2)…They have cooled slightly since their torrid start. That’s partly been due to injuries and partly because you can’t shoot 70% (not really, but it seemed like it) from the 3-point line forever. If Felton can stay healthy, they still match up well with Miami though, which at least gives them a (albeit slight) chance in the East.

The Knicks' money may be tied up in their frontcourt, but their fate may lie in the hands of the littlest guy on the floor.

5. (Tie) Memphis Grizzlies (33-18, previous ranking = 5)…Still very good. Still have Gasol and Randolph inside. Still play that grindhouse style of D. Still a team that nobody will want to play a 7 game series with this spring. But realistically, I’m not sure how big of a threat they are to OKC, Lob City, and San Antonio with all of their recent budget cuts. Since the end of last year, they have seen their instant-offense off-the-bench guy leave (Mayo), traded away 2 valuable role players for basically just cap relief in return (Ellington and Speights), and gotten rid of their only real wing athlete (Gay). Sad, but not sure what other options a small market team facing a huge luxury tax hit has.

Memes Gone Wild: Do You Even Lift and the Harlem Shake

One of the weird things about the day and age we live in is what happens when you suddenly go off the grid for a few weeks, and (just as suddenly) you are thrust right back into the grid. This is no more apparent than the world of Internet memes, where the ones that go most viral actually have the shortest shelf lives. Perfect recent examples are “Gangnam Style” and “grumpy cat," where they got so popular so fast that the originals as well as any recreations or parodies quickly began to bludgeon everyone with their own ubiquitous-ness. So, this week when I was thrown back into the world that I used to know, there were 2 memes that I caught a whiff of just as they were dying out. The 1st was “Do you even lift?” And the 2nd was “The Harlem Shake.”

“Do you even lift?” has apparently been a fledgling picture meme for a couple of months now, but it never really gained the notoriety of “grumpy cat” or “you mad, bro?” until this video hit YouTube…

I was just stunned how many of the guys’ 1st instinct was to punch the dude in the face. Is that really all it takes to get a guy that angry that fast? I guess the moral of the story is to not pick on a dude about the size of his muscles as he’s walking in or out of the gym…he’s too pumped up on his own testosterone and adrenaline to laugh-off some douche-prankster. (In contrast, the majority of the guys he approached who just seemed to be standing around somewhere and not necessarily by the gym had much calmer reactions.) Just a weirdly funny social experiment...

“The Harlem Shake” was a little more confusing for me (and therefore took a little more research, as you could tell by my YouTube history this morning). The basic premise is that the song starts, 1 person starts to dance (usually with a motorcycle helmet or mask on) while everyone else in the background is going about their business. Then, the beat drops, and insanity ensues. When we get to around the 30 second mark of the song, the clips all end.

That's pretty much it. So stupid and simple, yet hypnotizing none of the less. I still have so many questions…how did this start? Who came up with the idea? What made the 1st person that saw the 1st video of it say, “I want to do my own version of that?” Like so many things that go viral, the question of why is almost impossible to answer, but when it happens, it happens, and there’s nothing anyone can do about it to keep it from spreading. And do the Harlem Shake…

The Light at the End of the Tunnel

If I had any actual readers, they might have thought this blog was getting the light turned out on it after a few weeks of inactivity. Truth is that the past 2 weeks have been the toughest 2 weeks of my life. But it looks like the B-Court All-Star household may have been through the worst of it, and greener pastures are waiting. So, I’ll make my triumphant return with, of all things, a mini-parody of the classic Christmas poem “Twas the Night before Christmas.” Why? Because as much as going into all the gory details would be somewhat cleansing, it would be just too painful too. And why else? Because f*** everything, that’s why!

Zero!

Twas the night of February 12th, and all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse
The baby had eaten, Krissy got her meds
No more sleeping on plastic chairs and hospital beds
So, join with us in a celebratory dance
And a welcome home party from a few friendly ants
Their long adventure was over from which they had come
Krissy, Christopher, and Jacob were finally home

...and they lived happily ever after.

The End.

Wizards At Least Look Competent Since Wall's Return

Am I completely crazy, or are the Wizards actually half-decent when John Wall and Nene are healthy and in the lineup? The 2012-13 Washington Wizards still have to be considered truly awful to this point, as they opened the season with 12 consecutive losses and hold the league’s worst record at 9-31. And maybe the time to bring this up isn’t after a loss in Utah, but that loss capped a 2-3 West coast road trip that smelled a lot like 0-5 before they left. And yes, moral victories are for losers, but Wizards’ fans can at least take a little bit of solace in the fact that those 3 losses came by an average of only 4 points…that’s at least a step in the right direction for a team that looked like the Washington Generals for most of the 1st half of this season.

But if you really are looking for actual numbers to hold on to (not fake, moral victory stats like the ones above), the Wizards have won 4 out of 7 games since Wall’s return and 5 out of their last 8 overall. And while Wall continues to come off the bench to this point, he’s managed to average 14 points and 7 dimes a night in those 7 games…not bad production considering he’s working himself back into game shape and playing only about 25 minutes a night...

...and other Wizards have looked more comfortable since Wall's return as well.

I still consider Wall unpolished, but 1 thing he does seem to have done is give the Wizards someone opposing defenses actually have to shade towards and pay a little bit of attention to, whereas teams could basically play straight-up/not need to help on anybody earlier in the year. Rookie shooting guard Bradley Beal, who Wall seems to have good chemistry with, has benefited from the pressure Wall has taken off of everyone else the most. Some of Beal’s numbers for the season: 13.6 ppg, 39% from the field, and 36% from the 3-point line...not great. However, over the last 5 games those numbers have jumped to a more efficient 15.2, 50%, and 58%. Now, is that all a result of Wall, or is Beal finally starting to get his sea legs under him during his rookie campaign? 5 games is a relatively small sample size, but let’s see if the trend continues. And let’s see if the team’s trend continues as a whole, as it’s been fairly common over the years for this franchise to follow up a promising stretch by losing 8 out of 10.

Amidst Continued Losing, Dwight Howard Might Want to Tone Down the Accessories

Dwight Howard and the new-look Lakers will continue to be fodder for ESPN, sports talk radio, and the blogosphere as long as their season continues to nose-dive…and, let’s be honest, if they somehow stage a miraculous and unlikely turnaround to their season, they would stay atop the sports world’s short list of hot topics all year long as well. But with their record at a dismal 17-24, Howard continues to be the target of a good portion of the derision directed his team’s way.

Statistically, even though Howard is underperforming compared to his last couple seasons, he is actually putting up comparable numbers to his career averages in field goal percentage, blocks, rebounds, and points. While that’s true, anyone’s eyeball test will promptly tell them that this version of Dwight Howard does not resemble pre-LA D-12 in the slightest. He looks a step slow on defense, and he looks completely lost on the offensive end most of the time. The latter is probably attributable to Howard’s trying to fit himself into a new team with a new system playing alongside 3 other All-Stars who all seem to be struggling to varying degrees to play in an offense that doesn’t fit its personnel at all. On the other hand, I feel like we should almost excuse the 1st part of that sentence for at least 1 season, as Howard is coming off of major back surgery after all. If he is as mediocre of a paint defender next season, we may have to start wondering if he will ever regain his pre-surgery form, but I am willing to give that part a partial pass at least, and he seems to have looked a little bit more spry of late anyway.

Howard hasn't played up to his own standards, but I'm willing to give him a little more time to work himself into shape.

Still, even Dwight Howard at 100%, while being an unmatched physical presence, will probably always be a terrible free throw shooter, a weak passer out of the double-team, and an awkward, robotic looking post player on offense. And at this rate, the Kobe-Howard-Mike D’Antoni trifecta may never work even if Howard starts to look a little better. But has anyone else wondered if Howard’s on-court wardrobe could be putting some kind of voodoo on him and the Lakers this year?

Basketball fashions, such as cornrows and headbands, come and go…the latest one to really go viral is the arm sleeve, which someone transformed into the double arm sleeve along the way (possibly initiated by Dwight Howard himself). Now, half the NBA players on the court at any time will sport the sleeve, and I’m sure there’s at least 1 guy on every team’s roster that tries to pull off the discount double-check. Seriously, when is the NBA going to call uncle and just allow guys to wear long sleeve t-shirts under their jerseys?

This year, Howard looks like some kind of caricature of himself, usually wearing arm sleeves on both arms, what basically amounts to basketball leggings, and a headband. Personally, I hate the double arm sleeve. 1 looks cool and tough…2 looks like you are wearing those arm-length gloves that old-timey beauty pageant contestants used to rock. And headbands are one of those things that don’t work for everybody. LeBron has a head for a headband. Plus, he’s always worn one. Plus, if he doesn’t wear it, we are all going to bear witness to his rabidly receding hairline. Howard has never worn a headband before this year to my knowledge, and a headband on Howard’s head makes him look like a little kid. And while a lot of guys wear tights now, Howard’s look about 2 sizes too short. His high-rise tights combined with his tall, angular physique make him look like a ballerina. All in all, Howard looks like a basketball clown…like a hype man posing in a rap video, or a spoiled kid who got his Mom to buy out every possible basketball accessory at Sports Authority. So far, we have caricature of himself, old-school beauty pageant participant, little kid, ballerina, clown, rap video guy, and spoiled basketball wannabe…what part of any of that sounds appealing?

Please, Dwight...allow me to be your personal on-court stylist...you need this.

Whatever happened to simply putting on your jersey, lacing up, and hitting the court? On-court accessorizing is probably the least of Howard’s and the Lakers’ problems, but they say you need to look good to play good. Howard looks like a clown, and the Lakers seem like a 3-ring circus at the moment. Does that make Metta World Peace a flying trapeze artist or the guy who shovels out the elephant s***? I’m not saying…but I’m just saying.

Maryland's Upset and the Bizarre Story of Manti Te'o's Fake Girlfriend

Whew…what a bizarre past 24 hours in the sports world. Before we examine a story that’s beginning to take a life of its own, let’s stay local and sporsty first. Maryland staged a mild but much needed upset last night at home against NC State off an Alex Len tip-in with less than a second to play. The game was ugly, but it was a game the Terps had to have…especially considering the tough ACC road schedule they have coming up. And ugly might be the way this Maryland team has to get it done for most of this season, as Mark Turgeon’s roster of mostly freshmen and sophomores is not exactly an offensive juggernaut. The brutally honest Turgeon basically said after the game that the offense is s***, and his team can’t even execute plays diagrammed seconds before during timeouts. Still, these Terps play hard enough and good enough defensively that they are at least going to be competitive in most games despite their offensive ineptitude.

Alex Len's tip-in saved Maryland from a 1-3 start in conference.

Now, where to even start with this Manti Te’o business…without going into every detail, the story that Te’o’s girlfriend died of leukemia during the season appears to be some kind of hoax. Aside from that, the details are pretty, well, not clear at the moment. To re-hash every angle of this would take an entire post in and of itself, so I’m not going to do that. It eerily reminds me of an Internet hoax I read about on The Chive where a woman created an online persona pretending to be a paraplegic with a Twitter handle, “Dave on Wheels.” This false identity gained tons of followers because it portrayed an uplifting story of this guy who seemed to have a great sense of humor and outlook on life despite his apparent condition. The whole thing was based on some fantasy or alternate reality created in this woman’s mind though, and when it got too big and gained too much pub she basically killed off Dave on Wheels. People were heartbroken, but they did a little digging and found out the entire story was made up. In this instance, we also have the added longstanding problem of people trying to latch onto upcoming athletes for one reason or another. Based on this idea and what I have heard and read, this is my theory:

Te’o and this person started an online relationship that eventually grew more serious. The person at some point wanted to end the fantasy or whatever, and killed the girlfriend persona off (much like the person behind Dave on Wheels did). Because of the world of social media, this info got out, and Te’o embellished the relationship to make it seem like they had a relationship in person as well…not because he wanted notoriety, but because he was somewhat embarrassed about the situation (again, this is just me speculating). Te’o is a high profile, young, good looking dude by my own admission…maybe he was humiliated that this person he had fallen for was just someone he knew through tweets, emails, and text messages. The only problem is that in this day and age, everyone finds out everything eventually.

All the dirty details will come out eventually, but this story is icky no matter the ending.

Maybe I’m naïve, and maybe Te’o really was just trying to drum-up some publicity (in the creepiest, most psychotic way ever), but something doesn’t smell right about that idea to me. The risk-reward of that plan just seems far too risky, and after their own investigation Notre Dame seems to be backing Te’o 100% as well…which they wouldn’t do if they had any doubt about his story at all. The next few days will tell whether or not I’m right, but just 1 more way the Internet is bringing about the wacky and bizarre in today’s world.

Lance Armstrong, a Cheater? Oh, What Ever Shall I Do?

Can I be honest with you? I don’t care that Lance Armstrong took PEDs. What, you thought Armstrong was the 1 clean cyclist in a sport where seemingly every other athlete has been popped for doping at least once? Armstrong was stripped of his 7 Tour de France titles back in October, but does that even make sense? You can’t even give those titles to a clean participant in those races because everyone who placed, I don’t know, 2nd through 721st doped too. So, who cares?

Even Oprah looks like she's making mental notes of dinner plans during this interview.

No one even knew what professional cycling was until Lance Armstrong put it on the map. Let’s be honest again…the only reason Lance Armstrong is anybody is because he beat cancer and raised $400-plus million in cancer research. That’s no small feat, and regardless of how bad of a guy he is it’s impossible to ignore something like that. And whoa, was he ever a bad guy…

Cheating in sports is one thing. We have over a century’s worth of sports-cheaters to look back on, and most have been forgiven to some extent over time. Cheating is still cheating, but as the saying goes, If you’re not cheating in sports, you’re not trying, and Lance Armstrong definitely cheated…but so did everybody else…in a sport that no one really would have ever given 2 s***s about if it wasn’t for Armstrong’s work away from his bike.

But being a bad guy is another thing altogether. We looked the other way because he was beating cancer, setting records, raising money, and acting as a beacon of hope. We looked the other way a lot…when he dumped his wife who had stuck by him through his battle with cancer to date a pop singer…when he bullied, tarnished the names, and wrecked the careers of anyone who crossed his path…when he couldn’t take a joke about bikers that Tony Kornheiser made on his admittedly subversive talk radio show and strong-armed an apology out of him (oh yes, I remember)…and when he cheated to win races. Even this confession reeks of some ulterior motive. Why do it now, especially since most of us believed him to have used PEDs without him ever even saying a word?

So, if we’re really being honest, we have no one to blame but ourselves here. We believed in Lance Armstrong because we wanted to. We bought (myself included) millions of Livestrong bracelets and wore them because we supported his cause.

What bracelets? Ahh yes, those bracelets.

And we looked the other way at the sidestepping of the rules in his sport and his overall douchey-ness because that wasn’t as important to us as all the other stuff. Face it, Armstrong isn’t the 1st bad guy to do a good thing. Human beings are complex that way. So yes, Lance Armstrong is a cancer survivor. He is a champion in his sport. He is a cheater. He is a world-class a******. And he happened to help raise a buttload of money that went towards fighting cancer too.