Ad Nauseum: Red Robin's Commercials Have Been Getting It Done

Red Robin has long been considered the underdog of family American chain restaurants. While it doesn't have half-price appetizers, a section of the menu where everything is smothered in Jack Daniel's BBQ sauce, or a bloomin' onion, it does have something the others don't: a banging selection of burgers. What else? Goofily funny TV spots over the past year or so.

Realistically, commercials only have between 15-20 seconds to try to coax a laugh out of the audience. The easiest way is to employ some kind of bait-and-switch trick where we don't see what's coming at all...a la Red Robin's fugitive commercial. In all honesty, it's stupid funny, but I can't help but laugh at the lummox of a fugitive getting caught in the way he does...like if the CIA could have found Bin Laden with a simple game of Marco Polo.

In this 2nd spot, Red Robin employs that same general idea of the out-o'-nowhere laugh. Booyah is one of those things that got mainstream and overused so quickly (thanks, Stuart Scott) that it almost immediately signifies what kind of d-bag the person is that says it...unless that person is an innocent looking, unassuming, soccer-mom type, in which case it works pretty well if you ask me.

Heat-Pacers, Game 4: And Now, We've Got a Series

Yesterday, I wrote that the Heat would finish up this series in 5 games, noting that Miami had finally figured out the blueprint for beating Indiana. Well, turns out the Pacers know how to make adjustments too. Here's 5 reasons they were able to even up the series last night.

1. The refs – Please don't mistake this as me saying that last night's game was officiated in a one-sided manner. I think the calls were equally bad on both sides, and I actually thought Indiana deserved to win regardless, but (as was correctly pointed out on "Mike & Mike" this morning) the tone of the officiating has definitely favored the Pacers this whole series: lots of fouls on the perimeter, but letting a lot of the hand-fighting go underneath the basket (hence Dwyane Wade and Chris Bosh almost immediately picking up 2 fouls in the 1st quarter of seemingly every game this series and LeBron fouling out last night). Miami has countered that with some good ol' fashioned flopping by Shane Battier, and there is nothing wrong with calling games this way, but there is no question it helps Indiana. PS: look for a lot more whistles on the Pacers in Game 5.

2. Lance f***ing Stephenson – Anyone who has played pickup basketball has played with someone like Stephenson, a talented high-motor guy who always borders on being out of control. He's just as likely to take a rebound coast-to-coast crossing up 3 people in the process as he is to throw the ball into the 4th row on a simple entry pass into the low post. For teammates, Stephenson is probably more frustrating than anything else, but you live with the tricks to get the treats, which he delivered last night with 20 points and a couple I have the biggest b***s shots.

The biggest b***s.

3. LeBron's lack of low post success – After Game 3, this seemed to be the blueprint that I mentioned before, but the Pacers made things much more difficult on LeBron down low last night. They D-ed up on the perimeter much tougher, thus making those entry passes to LeBron much more dicey. When James did get the ball on the block, Indiana didn't allow him to back Paul George down for 3 or 4 dribbles before sending help. As a result, he was forced to either kick the ball out to someone who usually missed (Miami only shot 39% from the floor) or take tough contested shots himself that weren't dropping on this particular night (despite making a couple late clutch 3's before fouling out, he only shot 8 for 18).

4. No answer for Roy Hibbert or David West – This is a problem that won’t be going away anytime soon for the Heat, as all the talking heads keep pointing out that they aren’t going to get any bigger between now and the end of the series (say something more f***ing obvious, I dare you), but Indiana’s starting big men have bullied Miami inside in each of the 4 games so far, win or lose. They did it again last night to the tune of a combined 37 points and 24 rebounds, but it’s worth mentioning that they are the 2 main beneficiaries of the officiating tone that I mentioned above. West’s style of play is such that he is always a push-off on a boxout or screen or 2 away from being in foul trouble. Hibbert does a great job of going as straight up as possible when contesting shots, but he could easily be called for 1 or 2 more fouls a game just by chance alone. He also has been getting the “Shaq-treatment” on offense, which is to say he has basically been allowed to throw whoever is guarding him out of the way when fighting for post position; however, whoever is defending him seems to get called for cheap fouls if they even try to stand their ground. This drove me crazy with Shaq, as it's akin to a wide receiver being allowed to basically shove a cornerback to the ground without any flag, but if a DB so much as breathes too hard on the receiver he gets called for pass interference. Calls or no calls, it’s going to be a huge advantage for Indiana regardless though. Miami’s 1 answer might be to go super-duper small, with Bosh at center, LeBron as the only true forward, and 3 guards like Ray Allen, Wade, and Mario Chalmers. LeBron is really Miami’s only true answer for West. The problem is banging with him all game would surely take a lot out of him, but you would force West to guard either James or Allen I guess (or for Indy to go small themselves), and maybe if they played through Bosh more they could pile up some fouls on Hibbert. Or they could just hit more shots, which leads to…

Miami still has no answer for Hibbert.

5. Miami’s others still can’t hit a shot – Lance F. Stephenson is clearly that x-factor type guy for Indiana, but the Heat’s have been nonexistent for much of this series. What’s odd is that I actually consider Bosh and Wade as part of those x-factors now as well. They are both great players, but I think by now we know what Dwyane Wade is at this point of his career, and you pretty much can expect what to get from him night in and night out…but to me he is no longer a superstar-type player that can dominate a game. Bosh is extremely skilled, and while he is settled into his role on this team, he can still disappear at times. Last night it was partially due to foul trouble and an ankle sprain, but when both Wade and Bosh don’t get going, someone else from the others has to. In Game 3, Bosh and Wade both played well, but so did Udonis Haslem (17 points), Chalmers (14 points), and Chris Anderson (9 points). Last night, Allen and Battier arguably had their best games of the series, which is sad to say because they still only combined to shoot a miserable 5 for 16 for 15 points. Haslem and Anderson combined for 6 points. Chalmers was the 1 other that had a good game with 20 points, but that’s simply not enough. Haslem’s scoring in Game 3 was an aberration, but Miami better hope they got something from their others in Game 5, or else the Heat will have to pull out some Eastern Conference Finals down 3-2 magic once again.

The Return of Some NBA Playoff Talk...Stuff...Reasons...Yeah...

With one Conference Final series now wrapped up and the other 3 games in, it’s hard to believe this is my 1st NBA post since this round of the postseason began. Such is life though. What did we miss? What didn’t we miss, really? A lot, my friends…a lot indeed.

Last night, the Spurs put their own spin on the well that escalated quickly meme, dispatching the Grizzlies in a quick and tidy 4 game sweep. That San Antonio is the most overlooked great franchise is a given at this point…we’re almost at the point that we need to create a Spurs drinking game, where you drink whenever an announcer makes mention of their forgotteness. They are almost at the point where they are so underrated that they are overrated…almost because how can a team that is now making their 5th Finals appearance in the Tim Duncan era be overrated?

The answer is no...no, they cannot.

That a team with the 2nd best record in the West made it to the Finals is not all that amazing. And yet, it almost feels like these Spurs were underdogs. Their machine-like efficiency has always seemed to dominate in the regular season for the past few years, but it appeared that TD, Manu, and Tony had just gotten too old to keep up with other teams’ big guns in a 7 game series, as evidenced by being bounced with 4 straight losses to the Thunder in the Conference Finals last season or losing to 8th-seeded Memphis in Round 1 the year before. Both teams had just as good (or better) regular seasons as this one. And yes, San Antonio (and Memphis before them) caught a major break with Russell Westbrook’s injury. But almost everyone (including yours truly) had Memphis winning this series. Through the 1st 2 rounds, nobody was playing better basketball than the Grizzlies, and many of us were salivating over a potential clash in styles with a Miami-Memphis Final.

But I think San Antonio’s sweep taught us 2 things. 1st, the Spurs are even better than we all imagined. We already know their offense is a well-oiled machine. But Tim Duncan is playing about 10 years younger than his age. Tony Parker has been just about unstoppable on pick-and-rolls. Manu Ginobili can still do all kinds of Manu Ginobili things. And the Spurs actually have a host of young talented players like Danny Green and Kawhi Leanard to go along with their Big 3. 2nd, unless Marc Gasol and Zach Randolph play like the 2 best players on the court, this Memphis team isn’t quite good enough to beat high octane teams like the Spurs. Their beat-em-up inside game is spectacular to watch in this era of small-ball, and their team defense is 2nd to none, but they just don’t have the athletes on the wing to compete. Quincy Pondexter asserted himself well in these playoffs, but when he, Tony Allen, and Tayshaun Prince (at this stage of his career at least) are your best 3 players at the wing positions, you are in big trouble. I know Rudy Gay wasn't really affordable for them longterm, and he is on the All-NBA 1st team of poor shooting, but I still think they missed him on some level.

As for the Eastern Conference Finals, they have proved that there still isn’t a team that everyone overreacts to more in all of sports than the Miami Heat. Indiana played great during Games 1 and 2 in Miami, and was a LeBron layup away from going home up 2-0 in the series. Having lost homecourt advantage and looking very vulnerable when Ray Allen and Shane Battier aren’t knocking down open 3’s, many people thought the Heat were in big trouble. Now, after making a major adjustment in their Game 3 win (taking the ball out of LeBron’s hands, putting him on the low block against Paul George, and letting him punish the much slighter-framed George all game long), people suddenly think this series will be over in 5 games.

Wait, if the Pacers win tonight (at home by the way), aren’t we right back on track for a potential 7 game series? Isn’t that previous line of thinking a huge overreaction? Well, yes and no. The Pacers will expect to win on their homecourt tonight and even the series at 2 games apiece. But if the Heat stick to their gameplan from Game 3, it will be Indy who will be in big, big trouble. James is simply too big for George to stop 1-on-1 down low. The Pacers will either need to send help George's way, which is totally against their main defensive principal of staying at home on everybody and not allowing any uncontested 3’s, or they are going to watch George get bludgeoned to death again. I’d go with the 1st option, hoping that the likes of Allen and Battier remain cold. Even if James has an off night scoring, guarding him down there seemed to take a lot out of George, which was the detriment to his offense as well. After all that talk about overreacting, I’ve got Miami in 5 now as well…which would bring us to an extremely tantalizing Finals matchup…sorry for looking that far ahead though. As the postgame news conference cliché goes, 1 game at a time…1 game at a time.

Kevin Durant Gets a Pass for this One...But Should He?

An interesting thing seems to be happening in the wake of Memphis’ ousting of Oklahoma City from the playoffs: Kevin Durant is getting a pass. Durant, for all intents and purposes, stunk up the joint last night. With his team facing elimination and Russell Westbrook already out for the remainder of the season, KD went the full 48 minutes, but only scored 21 points on 5 for 21 shooting from the field, 0 for 4 on 3-point attempts, and 11 for 15 from the line, putting a sour taste on one of the statistically great shooting seasons of all time. It also should be noted that Durant went 1 for 5 in the 4th quarter with 3 turnovers and missed the potential game-tying shot with time running down (he appeared to have an open lane to the basket if he chose as well, but settled for the jumper).

All that being said, Durant is being allowed a mulligan because of the situation he was thrust into: having to carry his team basically by himself in a playoff series against a rugged, physical, defense-oriented opponent. You know who wouldn’t have been given a pass in the same situation?

That’s who.

The comparisons are always inevitable because LeBron is KD’s only peer in the spectrum of greatness in today’s NBA. Yes, KD is known as the quiet humble superstar. No, Durant never participated in elaborate pregame dances with teammates, had “Chosen One” tattooed on his back, took his “talents to South Beach,” or was brash enough to predict his team would win “not 5, not 6, not 7” titles. But didn’t Durant’s performance this postseason remind you of LeBron’s from a past life in so many ways? I know I often sound like a LeBron-apologist, and I’m not going to lie…I like LeBron, but hear me out at least. Check out Durant’s numbers in the last 3 games of this series compared to LBJ’s for his last 3 games in Cleveland’s infamous series loss to Boston (all 6 games were losses for Durant and James’ teams, respectively, by the way).

Durant: 47.3 mpg, 24.3 ppg (35.8 FG%, 41.1 3FG%, 66.7 FT%), 8.7 rpg, 6 apg
James: 43.7 mpg, 21.3 ppg (34.0 FG%, 15.4 3FG%, 74.3 FT%), 11.3 rpg, 8.3 apg

Interesting notes about the numbers: you would expect Durant’s 3-point shooting to be better than LeBron’s because he is a far superior shooter from the perimeter, but what happened to Durant at the free throw line, where he usually shoots about 90%? Similarly, you would expect LeBron to have better rebound and assist numbers, but it should be noted that LeBron had somewhat of a statistical anomaly in their Game 6 loss at Boston with 19 rebounds, which definitely skewed the rebounding numbers to his favor.

The point is that at the time we crushed LeBron for that playoff performance playing for a team where he had to do everything and carry an immense load every night…all while playing a team that was just that: a team, and a better one at that. James is much better in the clutch today and a much more polished player in general that he was 4 years ago, and he can always fall back on at least having that 1 ring now. But if he for some reason reverted to his old playoff form and struggled in a series, I suspect he would get crushed by everyone once again.

And yet, I dig up the numbers, and I say all that, but I’m willing to give Durant a pass as well (I think). He’s just so damn likeable. And this is a 1st time offense for him in that regard. And it’s not like he had to carry this Thunder team like this all year long. Westbrook only got sidelined a few weeks ago, and KD has had to learn to play this way on the fly against playoff competition no less. Yes, I suppose we can let this one slide…

…for now.

Ad Nauseum: It's Not Complicated vs. The Simple Choice

For this edition of Ad Nauseum, we’re going to stick with dueling cell phone providers. Cell phone commercials are so rampant these days that it can be tough to produce one that doesn’t induce viewer-vomiting and shoe-throwing, much less one that you actually end up remembering.

But when AT&T’s series of “It’s Not Complicated” ads started running several months ago, they were smart enough to realize that they had a good thing going very early on, and they have continued to churn out a new 30 second version of this spot every couple of weeks or so. The kids say the darnedest things aspect is golden, but it’s the ad-libbing of the straight-faced adult that makes the commercials work…even when the kids are swapped out for a quartet of NBA legends.

Not to be outdone, T-Mobile basically copycatted the general premise of the AT&T commercials’ catchphrase…if “The Simple Choice” isn’t a synonym for “It’s Not Complicated,” I don’t know what is. Still, there’s something humorous about Frankenstein’s monster getting offended at the scientist’s extremely condescending and patronizing tone. One can only hope that the monster dismembered him later offscreen…or smacked him around a little bit at the very least.

From Scrubs to Super-Subs: the Transformation of Miami's Bench

As I sat and watched the Heat dismantle the Bulls last night, my interest level in the game itself shrunk with each passing wide open layup or Ray Allen 3 in the 2nd half. For several minutes, there was at least the potential for some entertaining chirping, mean-mugging, and raised elbows, but Joakim Noah and Taj Gibson were eventually asked by the officials to continue their respective nights from the locker room. From then on, both coaches emptied their benches with obvious orders not to get involved in anything stupid, as it looked like all 10 players on the court for the last 3 or 4 minutes feared they would get suspended for the remainder of the series if they even breathed too closely to someone in the other colored jerseys.

Anderson, Allen, and Cole had a big hand in last night's win for Miami.

The last thing I noticed before turning off the TV was who Miami had on the court, which included James Jones, Mike Miller, and Joel Anthony…wait a minute, weren’t these guys all playing crunch-time minutes for the Heat the last 2 years? Ok, maybe crunch-time is a stretch, but the point is they all got at least a decent amount of run! Anthony was a starter for the Heat during their Finals loss to the Mavs, and was even the 1st big guy off the bench during last year’s playoffs when Miami discovered the small-ball lineup they still use today. Miller made 7 3’s and scored 23 points in the clinching Game 5 of last year’s Finals. James Jones…well, he caused Paul Pierce to get ejected in a playoff game 2 years ago, but that’s something at least! Now, they are filling up garbage time in a 37 point playoff route?

During the 1st 2 seasons of The Big 3, figuring out how James, Wade, and Bosh meshed was the biggest problem. But even when it seemed like they had finally figured that out sometime last season, I still wondered whether Miami had the supporting cast to win a title. Once they decided to go small – playing Bosh or Haslem at center most of the time while LeBron and Battier manned the forward positions – the role players all just kind of fell into their proper places. Haslem and Anthony played D and rebounded. Miller and Battier stood on the perimeter and made 3’s off of LeBron and Wade’s penetration. And Mario Chalmers and Norris Cole could do Mario Chalmers and Norris Cole things as well.

The improvement in their bench this season might actually have given the Heat the deepest roster in the league…a far contrast from the 2011 playoffs, when you wondered if their backups would even make many other NBA rosters. At 37, Ray Allen would be a liability given starter’s minutes, but his current 3-point bench mercenary is the perfect role for him at this stage of his career. (For my money, he’s still the best shooter in the world right now not named Steph Curry.) Battier’s defensive versatility and 3-point shooting is crucial to Miami’s funky lineups. Cole has developed to the point where Erik Soelstra can pretty much platoon him and Chalmers based on who is going good that particular night. And midseason addition Chris Anderson gives the Heat the 1 thing they really never had before: an athletic, high-energy, rim-protecting big man they can spell Bosh with. Haslem, who’s skills have declined, pretty much plays the 1st 8-9 minutes of the 1st and 3rd quarters and then sits the remainder of the game. And Rashard Lewis, the other big-time free agent acquisition of this past offseason for the Heat, only sniffed the court when the dogs had longed been called off. It’s been quite an overhaul…and it’s one of the main reasons they have to be considered the favorite going forward.

Oh, and that LeBron guy’s not bad either.

NBA 1st Round Recap and Previewing the Conference Semifinals

The 1st Round of the NBA Playoffs is officially in the books, and the Conference Semifinals are under way, so it’s time to review the last week and a half as well as look ahead. There weren’t a lot of 1st Round surprises, unless you want to refer to Russell Westbrook and Blake Griffin’s injuries and the bearing they had on their teams’ respective series. The 2 biggest shockers probably shouldn’t have been all that shocking in hindsight. 1st off, as great a regular season as Denver had, we should have enough evidence by now that starless NBA teams that advance deep into the postseason are few and far between. And even with a far less talented roster and missing their 2nd best player (David Lee), the Warriors showed they do indeed have a star in Steph Curry. 2nd, the Nets’ roster consists of coach-killing dogs. Comparatively, despite losing player after player to injury and illness the Bulls’ roster is filled with fighters. The fact that Chicago would somehow find a way to will their way past Brooklyn should have been obvious from the outset. One other observation…

Following the Heat’s ho-hum, very businesslike sweep of the Bucks, the biggest news coming out of Miami right now is the state of Dwyane Wade’s knees, and LeBron James missing being the unanimous MVP winner by 1 vote. Gary Washburn explained his reasoning behind voting LeBron behind Carmelo Anthony by opining that Melo was more valuable to the Knicks than LeBron was to the Heat, that the award is about team value (not an outstanding player award), and that New York would have been far worse without Melo this year than Miami would have been sans James. 1st of all, I think we all know by now that LeBron is the most valuable player to any team. The Cavs had the league’s best record in James’ last season there, and were picking 1st overall in the draft the year after he left town. 2nd, since Washburn throws around value so much, I could argue that while Anthony is far and away the Knicks’ best player, Raymond Felton (because of his ability to break defenses down, get in the paint, and kick the ball out to shooters) and Tyson Chandler (because he is the best rim-protector in the league and allows the Knicks to play the smaller and defensively challenged Melo at the 4) actually are more important to New York’s team success. Finally, while the award is termed the Most Valuable Player, the award was and always has been a Most Outstanding Player award for all intents and purposes, and James’ season ranks as 1 of the all-time bests by any metric. With all that being said, a unanimous vote doesn’t really matter at all. James still gets the trophy, and he likely will win enough of these by the end of his career that we will all be longing to give it to someone, anyone, else in the years to come.

And I fully support anyone’s right to argue against him winning it this year…it’s just fun to point out why they are wrong.

Now, I know 2 of the Semifinals series have already started, but how ‘bout some Round 2 predictions?

New York Knicks vs. Indiana Pacers (Pacers in 6)…Call me a liar if you want, but this would have been my upset pick even prior to New York’s Game 1 home loss. As I said a couple weeks ago, Indy is built for the playoffs, and New York continues to be a live-by-the-3, die-by-the-3 team…and if their cold shooting continues they are going to die by it. Also, New York’s roster was specifically built to get past Miami in the postseason. Indy is a bruising, physical, defensive team that isn't going to change their style of play to match New York’s small-ball lineups. You want to play Melo at power forward? Fine…well then, have fun dealing with David West on the other end of the floor. The only way to combat this is for the Knicks’ jumpers to start falling again…because don’t count on Melo and JR Smith to stop chucking even though they shot a combined 12 for 37 in Game 1.

Oklahoma City vs. Memphis Grizzlies (Thunder in 7)…Has the makings of a fascinating matchup if you ask me. Without Westbrook, I actually think the Griz are the better team, but we may see Kevin Durant unleash the full spectrum of his powers in this series, as he showed with last night’s 35 point, 15 rebound, 6 assist, 2 block line. That includes 2 critical jumpers in the final minute while OKC was still trailing.

Seriously, if LeBron wasn’t going to be the unanimous MVP choice, how could the other 1st place vote(s) go to anyone but KD?

Miami Heat vs. Chicago Bulls (Heat in 5)…Given the heart the Bulls play with, it’s tough to pick them to go out in so few games. And while Heat in 5 sounds like a blowout, I think 3 of those Miami wins will be the type of games that they will have to fight to the final possession. Still, you have to wonder if the Bulls have enough bodies and the ability to score enough points to deal with the Heat’s firepower.

San Antonio Spurs vs. Golden State Warriors (Spurs in 5)…Steph Curry will be the best player in this series as well, but I just think the Spurs will be too good for him to overcome. San Antonio operates like a machine, and they should have their full complement of players in this series as well. If the Warriors are able to steal 1 of the 1st 2 games, the Game 3 and Game 4 crowds in Oakland could be bonkers though. For Golden State fans, that’s probably the best you can ask for.