Spurs-Thunder, Game 5: Mr. Sandman, Bring Me A Dream

Damn you, NBA Playoffs. Despite having earlier start times, 2 of the last 3 Eastern Conference Finals games (both of which went into OT) have ended almost as late as the games out West. With that being said, it’s hard to turn off the TV and go to bed when you just watched an entire game that has somehow not reached its conclusion yet. What’s a 5 minute extra period anyway? But much to my chagrin, game 5 of the Western Conference Finals ended with me passed out on the couch. It’s funny how the brain works in those situations. When it’s 11:15pm and overtime is starting, it seems like the game is flying by. When it’s 10:15pm and it’s only halftime, resistance against those heavy eyelids seems futile. So, pardon me if I don’t wax as poetically or passionately about the Spurs-Thunder games compared to those of the Heat-Celtics series, but Mr. Sandman came a calling early last night.

From what I can piece together from the parts of the last few games I did watch (and Sportscenter), a couple of things seem perfectly clear though. There’s a reason that despite the long winning streak, the demolition of the Jazz and Clippers, and the impeccable overall play I thought the Spurs were potentially vulnerable against any Western Conference team (and wasn’t counting the Thunder out when they went down 0-2 either). The Spurs share the ball incredibly well, but their offense is still predicated on Manu and Tony Parker getting into the paint. OKC took my advice of showing hard on every pick-and-roll (as if they were actually listening to me…the strategy seemed pretty obvious to a lot of people actually), and this has allowed the Thunder to do a better job of staying home on their individual defensive assignments. What San Antonio wants you to do is help out on Ginobili and Parker’s penetration, leaving shooters open on the perimeter to swing the ball to. OKC’s pick-and-roll defense has kept those 2 out of the lane over the last 3 games for the most part, and the Spurs offense, vaunted as 1 of the greatest of all time only a few days ago, has bogged down. The Thunder will continue to welcome low post isolation plays with Tim Duncan even if he plays as efficiently as game 5 (7 for 10 from the floor for 18 points) because more shots for him means less for everybody else.

From dominant to doomed: the last 3 games have Coach Popovich searching for answers.

Aside from that, OKC’s talent and athleticism has really shown through in their 3 straight wins. As I said before as well, San Antonio plays sound team defense, but this Spurs team doesn’t possess the individual “stoppers” that past Spurs teams have had, and the Thunder are starting to assert their athletic advantage by playing over the top of San Antonio (conversely, the Spurs were a favorite of Steve Smith’s “Under The Rim” plays of the week all year long). Durant and Harden seem to be able to get whatever they want on offense at all times. And even though Russell Westbrook has shot poorly this entire series (under 40% from the field in all 5 games), he has done a better job of getting his teammates involved of late (8.7 assists per game in the last 3 games vs. 6.5 a game in the 1st 2). I wouldn’t put it past the Spurs to force a game 7, but they somehow need to figure out more creative ways to beat the Thunder’s pick-and-roll D. If not, the Thunder will be awaiting the winner of the Miami-Boston series by Wednesday night.

Heat-Celtics, Game 4: The Obnoxiousness of Rajon Rondo

Rajon Rondo grows more and more tiresome every time I watch him. Such is the problem with the Celtics in general. If I was a Boston fan, I probably love these guys to death. On a lot of levels, they go right up to that proverbial “line” without actually crossing it. KG’s oversized intensity and constant yapping at opposing players…Pierce’s gyrations, flops, and yelps anytime he goes into the lane…Ray Allen’s, well, I’m not sure. Allen is probably the most squeaky-clean of all the C’s. The worst thing you could probably say about him in terms of annoyance is that he carries himself with a certain sense of superiority, like the stud player from some big fancy private school with their fancy shoes and just-a-little-too-fresh team warm-ups…think the college era JJ Redick persona. In fact, maybe it’s just a kind of swagger that all great sharpshooters have. And I will even allow Allen all this given that, oh I don’t know, he’s only the greatest 3-point shooter of all time. Also, you can find these or similarly annoying traits on players from every other team in the league, so it’s not as if the Celtics are the only guilty party. (Just look at their opponent in the Eastern Conference Finals, who is maybe the most hated team of all time.)

But on the court, Rondo comes off as something different altogether. I don’t even know how describe it exactly. Oh wait, I know: a douchebaggery! Numerous reports have surfaced out of Boston over the years that his personality is “difficult” to deal with at times. Why else would Boston have shopped a 26 year old stud point guard for a trade numerous times already? Questions about whether he is emotionally fragile have surfaced a few times over the last couple seasons as well. Things like the Kendrick Perkins trade (who was by all accounts Rondo’s best friend on the team at the time) and President Barack Obama’s jab at his shooting seemed to send Rondo’s play on the court into a tailspin in years past. He’s also shown a penchant for childlike behavior every now and again. Whether it’s chestbumping or throwing a ball at a ref, sneaking into opposing teams’ huddles, or trying to kick someone after he just drew a charge on him, Rondo sometimes resembles a bratty child. After bowling over Shane Battier last night and the subsequent kick attempt at Battier, Rondo chided to referee Joey Crawford after he T-ed him up, “He tripped me!” There was no trip attempt by Battier, and it was clearly just a case of Rondo’s frustrations boiling over, but Rondo looked like a kid lying to his mom about being hit by his big brother 1st when he had just gotten caught red-handed trying to slug said sibling in the face.

"He hit me 1st, Mommy! I swear!"

On top of all that, Rondo has adopted the KG approach of getting away with any little foul that he can. Garnett is infamous for moving screens and little elbows on every other play that just aren’t quite egregious enough to draw a whistle. I don’t think it should be construed as dirty, but again it’s right on the line. Similarly, Rondo will push off, tug a jersey, or hook with his off arm any chance he has that the refs can’t see. None of that is probably over the line of what’s dirty either, but if someone just hauls-off and decks Rondo during a game 1 day, it’s safe to say he deserves it. I also can’t describe whether or not Rondo would actually be fun to play with. On the 1 hand, he is a superb passer who gets everyone the ball in the spots they like…on the other, he orders teammates around on the court like he’s Peyton Manning. When Rondo is directing traffic, Pierce, Allen, and KG must say to themselves, “Oh my word, just shut the f*** up and pass the ball,” at least 5 times a game…and yet he almost always delivers the ball to the right place on time, so how mad could they possibly get? It’s almost gotten to the point where I have to mute the TV when Boston’s on offense though for fear of hearing Rondo’s pipsqueaky voice calling out audibiles for 20 seconds.

Maybe more than anything though, Rondo just seems a little too sure of himself for my liking, as if he is the greater good fighting opposite the evil empire from South Beach (or whoever else). What Rondo fails to see is that he’s not exactly a beacon of basketball purity himself. After a loss to Miami earlier in the series, he talked about Boston needing to send some of the Heat players to the deck once in a while when they went to the basket. That’s all well and good, but all I could think was wouldn’t it be nice if Udonis Haslem or Shane Battier “sent Rondo to the deck” a couple of times too? After all, it’s not as if Rondo himself is going to be the 1 laying the wood to LeBron or Wade. Before heading into the locker room for halftime last night, Rondo told sideline reporter Doris Burke that the Celtics were capitalizing off of Miami’s “crying about calls” by scoring in transition. Again, Rondo’s candor is somewhat refreshing in this day and age where every question is answered by “we just need to be more aggressive” and “both teams played hard, my man,” and what he said was factually accurate as well, but it was an interesting comment coming from Rondo, who seems to whine about calls as much as anybody. Just go back to game 2 of this series, where during overtime a Dwyane Wade face-chop to Rondo was not called, but Rondo failed to get back down court due to him milking the contact. That resulted in what turned out to be a crucial Haslem dunk in Miami’s overtime win.

Rondo's greatness is only outweighed by his obnoxiousness.

All of this is complicated by the fact that Rondo is a once-in-a-generation type player. No, his jumper isn’t going to wow you on most nights like it did during game 2 in Miami, but he is an elite defender, passer, and team orchestrator. He doesn’t have Rose’s or Russell Westbrook’s explosiveness, but he as that same kind of slithery ability when working his way to the basket that those 2 have as well. He is the type of talent that makes you draw a blank when trying to think of someone else like him. His 15 and 15 game last night in Boston’s series tying 93-91 victory over Miami speaks for itself. All of that is true, and yet so is this: he’s a punk.

Heat-Celtics, Game 2: An Assortment of Goodies

Generally speaking, being an adult stinks. Krissy and I can’t figure out where to live. We have agreed that we would like to move up closer to where her parents reside (northern New Jersey), but we both have steady jobs here in Maryland. Also, we have tossed around the idea of moving into Krissy’s grandmom’s house in Delaware until she is ready to sell it. The 1 advantage of that would be that is would give us more time to stash away extra cash for a down payment on a house when the time comes. These ideas are all well and good, but the problem is we don’t have an exact plan, and even if we did it would be tough to execute. How are you supposed to decide where to move your entire life to? And how are you supposed to go anywhere in the 1st place without jobs? Consequently, I’ve been exploring all avenues: job openings in NJ, job openings in DE, job openings here in MD, and housing in all 3 places to boot. It’s enough to drive someone to insanity…good thing I’m insane already.

Oh, I'm certifiable alright...

I’ve posted enough on here lately that I’ve actually started to contemplate what’s in it for me other than the enjoyment of writing itself. That’s right…I’ve wondered what it would be like to sellout! But to sellout, you need to have a modicum of success in the 1st place. I’m not sure what qualifies as success though. What brought this on exactly? Well, 2 things…1st, when logging in to my blog 1 day, I noticed a little blurb about “Google AdSense.” Basically, Google puts ads on your blog, and you can actually make a profit if it gets enough traffic. The problem is that you don’t really know how much you would make until you sign up. This led to the 2nd thing that brought this on: checking my “stats.” I never cared how many people came across “B-Court All-Star” before, but now I check the page view statistics every time I log-on to post something. It’s just a force of habit at this point. For what it’s worth, this month I set my personal best for page views. The post with the most page views is when I wrote about my exploits with poison ivy, as for some odd reason it accounts for a quarter of all the page views I’ve ever had. What does any of this mean? I don’t have a f****** clue to be honest. Only 2 people that I know of (my wife and my friend Mac) read this stuff. Where is all this other traffic coming from? Do people just stumble onto the images I embed when they do a Google image search? Are the stats even right? And what would my stats translate to earnings-wise? Would 100 page views get me a nickel? 10,000? Who knows…it’s fascinating to me for some reason though. Maybe 1 day I will actually “monetize” this thing, but for now it’s all pie-in-the-sky to me.

So, what was I supposed to talk about again? Oh yea, the game…yesterday I wrote that I couldn’t stay with the Spurs-Thunder game all the way through, but I happened to watch game 2 of the Heat-Celtics to completion. Even though last night’s game went into overtime it started a half hour earlier than the game on Tuesday night. So while the overtime period caused it to end later, I guess I was already “pot-committed” as they say in poker. If the Celtics lose this series (which seems even more likely now), they will be kicking themselves when they think of game 2. Pierce and Allen didn’t shoot the lights out like I said they needed to, but their combined 13 for 30 showing from the field was a big improvement from their game 1 output. More than that, the C’s wasted a career night from Rondo, who poured in 44 points (many of which came on perimeter jumpers…not exactly his forte) while not sitting out a single minute. Boston was also pretty whiny after the game about the foul shout disparity between both teams. I am hardpressed to think of a Boston foul that wasn’t actually foul though. The Celtics’ 1 legitimate beef might be the missed call in overtime when Rondo was driving to the basket and was grazed in the face by Dwyane Wade as he attempted a layup. Maybe I have an anti-Celtics bias, but I was less riled-up about the no-call than others. It was clearly a foul, but it still would have been a bail-out call on a wild, out-of-control shot, 1 that I am actually ok not rewarding with 2 free throws. And as for the overall free throw disparity, Boston is a jumpshooting team. You’re not going to march to the line when Pierce, Allen, KG, and even Rondo in this case are for the most part content to take shots from the outside. Conversely, Miami continued to take the ball to the basket, and Boston helped them out with silly fouls at times to boot (I’m looking at you, Keyon Dooling and Mickael Pietrus). The Heat took care of business on their home court. Now, let’s see if the Celtics can come back to Boston and do the same.

The last point of order before I wrap this up is this little diddy. I know it’s a pop song, but it’s catchy, and being that it’s “government Friday” I am unlikely to post anything else this week. This song seems to fit my start-of-the-week mood.

Spurs-Thunder, Game 2: What Did I Miss?

The time difference between San Antonio and Baltimore is only 1 hour, but that hour makes a big difference for us East-coasters who need to wake up for work the next morning. So, when it was creeping towards 11:30pm and there was a TV timeout with 5:40 to go in the 4th, I had to call it quits. As the action broke, the Thunder had cut the once 22 point Spurs lead to 8 with 2 upcoming free throws that could cut it to 6…but even though OKC had made it a 2 possession game with about 6 minutes to play, I didn’t have any confidence that they could complete the comeback and steal game 2.

You see, as long as the Thunder aren’t playing “hack-a-Splitter,” the Spurs offense seems impossible to stop right now…which is infuriating on some levels because their offense seems incredibly simple most of the time. I have to concede that Tony Parker and Manu Ginobili are both great, but it doesn’t seem like they should be this good. They both get into the lane at will, either creating easy shots for themselves or for teammates. San Antonio’s role players don’t do anything special, but they are so well coached that they are seemingly always in the right position, and when they receive the ball they are ready to shoot or make the extra pass as soon as they touch it. There are no wasted dribbles, jab steps, or other ball-stopping maneuvers in their offense…which is beautiful basketball, but it’s all predicated on Parker and Manu getting to their spots. The fact that teams can’t devise ways to stay in front of either is befuddling to me, but it’s actually gotten to the point that if the Spurs have an offensive possession where they don’t score, I am shocked. Let me give you some stats, Hubie Brown style, here: San Antonio shot 55% from the floor for the game and 42% from 3; also, Parker was an absurd 16 for 21 from the field.

A common sight early in this series: Tony Parker in the paint.

OKC’s offensive numbers don’t look all that bad either. Their big 3 were all right around the 30 point mark for the game, and they only turned the ball over 10 times for the game (often 1 of their downfalls). However, they only shot 42% from the field as a team, as everyone not named Durant, Westbrook, and Harden clanged 27 of 34 shots. Usually role players play better at home though, and the Thunder will be counting on that as the series shifts to OKC. The Thunder are getting good shots for the most part, as San Antonio plays solid team defense with each player in the right spot at all times (much like the precision of their offense), but they don’t really have any great individual defenders or rim protectors (Duncan is still serviceable in that department, but he ain’t what he used to be). They just need a few more of those shots to go in…more makes will result in fewer easy opportunities for Manu and Parker at the other end too, thus making their defense look a little better.

Strategically, the changes for OKC seem obvious. They need to go small with KD at the 4 more often. The Spurs are playing lineups with finesse 4’s like Boris Diaw and Matt Bonner anyway, so there is no need for the Thunder to play 2 bigs at once really. (Maybe they could mix things up by trying a bigger defender like Sefolosha on Parker too.) I would also start trapping all pick-and-rolls hard…very hard. And if the ball is swung to Duncan or another Spur big off the pick-and-roll, make them score. OKC’s rotations off the pick-and-roll are playing right into the Spurs’ hands, as Duncan and Diaw’s 1st read is always to swing the ball to open 3 point shooters (not to look at the basket). This is essentially how the Spurs used to play the Phoenix Suns’ pick-and-roll in the “7 seconds or less” era. Amare Stoudemire would wind up with some ridiculous stat lines, but the Spurs seemed to always walk away with the W. Stoudemire’s sky-high point totals were by San Antonio’s design, as more shots for him resulted in less wide open 3’s for Phoenix’s perimeter players.

TD may get his, but OKC would be wise not to keep both Perk and Ibaka on the court at the same time for very long the rest of this series.

OKC may be down 0-2, and it seems like San Antonio hasn’t lost since the All-Star break, but I think this series is far from over. In 1 respect, the Spurs simply did what they were supposed to do: protect home court. Now, it’s the Thunder’s turn, as the best home court advantage in the league should await them in game 3.

Heat-Celtics, Game 1: No Rest For The Weary

100th blog post, people! Cue the streamers and noise-makers…no? Ok, I guess not.

Watching ESPN a few days ago, 1 of the talking heads mentioned that he felt this version of the Celtics deserved more than 1 championship. They got their 1 ring in the big 3’s 1st year of existence, but given how good they have looked at times it seems like they should have 2 or 3 in that span. Year 2 of the KG-Allen-Pierce trifecta was halted by a Garnett knee injury. In year 3, the C’s were a game away, and Boston fans will go to their graves clamoring that Kendrick Perkin’s injury during the Finals is what swayed the series to LA. In year 4, the Celtics looked like they could have given the Heat a decent run for their money at least, but Rajon Rondo dislocated his elbow during the series. He continued to play, but he was clearly not himself, and the Celtics exited quietly.

This might be the Celtics' last chance as currently constructed.

Year 5 has put Boston in a tough spot. To say they were the 5th best team in the Eastern Conferences this season (as their seeding suggests) is laughable. In fact, the Bulls and Celtics at full strength are the only teams from the East that would even make Miami bat an eye. But there’s a reason 4 other teams in the East marched to better regular season records. Boston’s core 4 are in tact, but age seems to be catching up. Finishing up Philly in a tidy 4 or 5 game series would have done the Celtics some good. Instead, the Sixers stretched them to 7 games, and as a result Boston’s game 1 loss in Miami following a quick turnaround was predictable. KG was really the only Celtic that played well. With Bosh sidelined, Miami has no real answer for him, and if Garnett keeps consistently draining 18 footers and getting deep post position, he will be a problem for the Heat all series. Pierce and Allen shot a combined 6 for 25 from the floor though, which just isn’t going to get it done. For them to have a chance in this series, I think they both need to shoot lights-out, which is going to be a tall order considering LeBron and Wade are going to be shadowing them most of the time.

Game 1 was strange on a couple of levels though. 1st, if you just watched the game in the 1st half without looking at the score, it felt like Miami had stretched the lead out to double digits by halftime, yet it was tied at the break. Also, Miami was the beneficiary of a couple of quick-trigger technical foul calls on Boston, but I’m not sure how much of an effect they had on the outcome of the game. It was reminiscent of the game 1’s of the Knicks-Heat and Pacers-Heat series earlier this postseason, where the Heat got the benefit of a couple suspect calls also, but those games were so out of hand that it was hard for the Knicks or Pacers to say they lost because of the refs. And yet, in a couple of the close games against New York and Indiana, I thought the refs swallowed their whistles in a way that worked against Miami. It’s just odd to me that the Heat seem to get a lot of calls in games that they win easily but not in closer games (where you would think star teams would be more likely to get calls).

Quick T's aside, LeBron and the Heat looked to be head and shoulders above Pierce and company in game 1.

On a sidenote, can we agree to stop praising Doc Rivers for his “decision” to move KG to center? 1st of all, this move was made out of necessity because the Celtics only other decent, able-bodied big man on the roster is 6-8 Brandon Bass. It’s not like Rivers was like, “Hmmm, maybe I should start Ryan Hollins at center just so I can keep KG at power forward.” 2nd, if you actually watch a Celtics game, it’s not like Garnett is doing anything differently on the court now that he’s not playing alongside a true center. The roles he fills are exactly the same as when he was paired with Perkins, Shaq, or Jermaine O’Neal. Just stop it already. This annoys me almost as much as calling Tim Duncan the “greatest power forward of all time.” He’s a center. He’s always been a center. He just so happened to play most of his career alongside other centers. He’s started next to DeJuan Blair and and Boris Diaw the last 2 seasons, so does that mean he also changed positions to center? Get out…no really, just leave.

Anyway, to me this series will be decided based on how well Pierce and Allen play. I fully expect them to play better than they did in game 1, but how much better? I’m not sure…Pierce has always matched up well with LeBron, and Allen’s ability to run Wade off of screens has traditionally been able to offset Wade’s slashing and post-up abilities. The fact that both Allen and Pierce are hobbled and have a lot of miles on them is clearly showing though. And the fact that Boston’s bench is even shorter than Miami’s right now means they are going to have to play a lot of minutes this series as well…which might just be too much to ask.

Let Me Take A Minute To Own Up To My Wrongs

So, it looks unlikely that I’m going to break my record for most posts in a month (12) this May. This will be my 9th, and I will be out of town from tonight through Memorial Day, so writing 4 more posts seems unlikely. Maybe June will be an especially proficient month for me. Let’s tie up a couple of loose ends.

1st, my cell phone situation seems to be settled for now. Let’s just say my no-data-plan-cell-phone idea was short-lived to say the least. I’m positive my wife read the post where I espoused my newfound love of cheaper cell phone bills and a simpler mobile device, but she did what most smart women do: ignore their stupid husbands and do what’s best for them in spite of their nincompoop-ness. She basically completed every step of getting my current Blackberry set up without even a mention of my foolishness (like it never even happened at all): borrowed the Blackberry from a friend, called Verizon to activate it, transferred my contact list from my old phone, etc. The phone is an older version of my original Blackberry Bold, so it doesn’t have the same exact functionality, but I didn’t have to lift a finger to get any of that done, and I’m happy as a clam now…c’est la vie…and damn you, technology.

2nd, back in March when the University of Maryland men’s basketball team failed to make even the NIT, I wrote a post about the upside of the program going into next year. This largely had to do with the fact that most of their roster, including the ACC’s leading scorer this past season (Terrell Stoglin), was returning. Well, since then Stoglin decided to leave school for the NBA Draft upon being suspended from the team (apparently for failing multiple drug tests), and reserve wing Mychal Parker and forward Ashton Pankey (who started 17 games this past year) each decided to transfer. With point guard Pe’Shon Howard still recovering from reconstructive knee surgery, the depth started to look a little murkier. But the Terps have had a very active recruiting period following Coach Mark Turgeon’s 1st season. On Monday, Maryland announced their 2nd incoming transfer of the spring with the signing of Albany guard Logan Aronhalt. Aronhalt will be eligible to play this season, whereas former Michigan forward Evan Smotrycz will have to sit out until the 2013-14 season. Turgeon also has an incoming freshman class of 5, which was ranked by ESPN as the 18th best 2012 recruiting class in the country. The combination of the newbies, a more seasoned Alex Len and Nick Faust, and other returnees Howard and James Padgett is intriguing, but I think there are just too many unknowns to get overly excited now. Much like most things, it looks like we are back to a wait and see approach for the Terps going into next season.

Stoglin passing was an uncommon sight during his time at UMD, but he will pass up his junior and senior years.

I was going to include an NBA playoff update here too, but I think I will save that for next week. If you take the injuries into consideration, the playoffs have been fairly predictable actually thus far. The 1 thing I had completely wrong was the Spurs, who I thought were vulnerable despite their winning streak and number 1 seeding going into the postseason. San Antonio has now surgically swept through the 1st 2 rounds of the playoffs, and they have lost only 2 games in the last 2 months. I do feel like if the 2nd round matchups were switched (Spurs vs. Lakers and Clippers vs. Thunder), the Lakers could have offered the Spurs a stiffer challenge (and the Clips could have probably won a couple games against OKC as well), but just as in boxing styles make fights, and we see how important of a factor matchups are in the NBA every spring.

Body Of Work

This past weekend Krissy graduated from Salisbury University, which we and our families used as an excuse to find someone we know with a house relatively near Ocean City, pile into our cars, and head to the beach. For me going to the beach means 1 thing: body surfing. Probably since I was a teenager, body surfing is how I spent the majority of my time whenever I found myself at a beach. Sure, it’s not like I never did other “beachy” things like play volleyball or paddleball, toss around a football or a frisbee, or dig substantially sized holes in the sand, but for me those always just ended up being filler activities before I was back out in the waves.

No, not that kind of body surfing...eww.

How exactly did this obsession start? Well, from an early age my 2 younger siblings and I always loved being in the water. When we had finally gotten big enough and brave enough, my parents bought us boogie boards. There was 1 year that we got a huge inner tube…the heavy-duty kind that was meant for towing someone around behind a powerboat or something. Most of that vacation was spent trying to somehow get all 3 of us (my brother, sister, and I) on the tube at the same time, and then our Dad would hurl/push/spin us into a giant wave just as it was breaking. This would invariably flip the tube over, thus corkscrewing the 3 of us into the water like a puny little sailboat getting capsized by a tsunami. Most other beachgoers probably thought we were nuts, but to us this was the epitome of fun. (Looking back now, it’s a wonder we didn’t break our necks, and I’m not even sure if today’s more hypersensitive fun-sucking lifeguards wouldn’t have started to blow their whistles at us as soon as they saw our giant inner tube touch the water, but it was fun none the less.)

Eventually, I kind of outgrew the boogie boards and inner tubes though; however, anyone who has seen me try to ice skate or ski would probably tell you that me getting on a surfboard might not be the world’s greatest idea, so I never tried it (I may still want to attempt it 1 day). When I was 11 or 12, I remember seeing these 2 older kids (probably 15 or 16 years old) riding waves, but as I looked closer I could see that they had no board! I was instantly fascinated. These older kids were getting better rides than I had ever gotten using a boogie board, and they didn’t have to worry about being annoyingly tethered to a foam rectangle the whole time, which for all the fun you got out of them sometimes didn’t seem to be worth the trouble.

The rest of that week at the beach, I would venture out to the water whenever I saw them body surfing, and I would try to just do what they did (from a safe enough distance away that I didn’t seem like a copycat/poser/completely uncool little kid). I would stand as far out as they stood, pick the waves out that they picked, started paddling when they started paddling, etc. When the 2 older dudes weren’t in the water, I would keep practicing on my own. My success rate was abysmally low. Most of the time, I simply missed the wave altogether. I usually found that I had either started paddling too late, didn’t paddle hard enough, or was out of position in the 1st place. I tried to employ the boogie board strategy of just placing yourself right where the wave is going to break too. That usually works when you’re boogie boarding because the buoyancy of a boogie board basically allows you to “catch” the wave at any point after it’s already broken (as long as you’re standing in front of the wave). If you’re trying to body surf though, this usually results in getting face-planted into the ground. Consequently, I spent most of my early body surfing days with very tired limbs from swimming and eating a lot of sand without much riding to actually show for it.

At some point, it just kind of clicked though: where to place yourself in relation to where the waves were breaking, when to paddle, and just the right amount of courage. (I’ve found that most good rides require you to go right up to that “line” of completely wiping out, so not being afraid to actually get crushed once in a while is important.) Not to sound like a cocky a******, but it’s at the point that I only know a handful of people in my circle (the Osborne brothers and Krissy’s brother Nick for example) that are as good at it as me, and I rarely see a random person that is actually any good at it either. Then again, it’s not really something that carries much cache to be good at…just like nobody really cares if you’re good at hacky sack or ultimate frisbee either. If you’re so good at those, why aren’t you playing soccer or football or something, and if you’re such a great body surfer, why don’t you really surf…you know, with a surfboard? Also, it’s probably something that is not that difficult to get good at if you actually try. I am not the strongest swimmer, nor am I the bravest person in terms of putting my body in harm’s way, so there could be millions of people out there that are better at it than me.

Valid points…still 1 of the most fun parts about body surfing is being completely condescending and snobbish towards people who stink at it! Everything in life shouldn’t be a competition, but if you’re my age and I see you on a boogie board, I immediately label you as a cheater. You’re Barry Bonds at that point. You can ride that wave a mile inland if you want, but it doesn’t count in my book. People who actually make a valid attempt at body surfing gain a little more respect in my eyes, but they are still fair game for poking fun at. More often than not, this occurs with large groups of guys in the water that appear otherwise athletic, but just can’t grasp the body surfing technique. Nothing makes me happier than watching them furiously paddle after a wave only to let it pass them by because they were out of position or because they just plain chickened-out (or when they actually think they caught a wave only to get pummeled by it).

"Herp-derp...look at me, Mom!"

 So, when I found out that I was going to have 2 beach days this past weekend, I was stoked. The fact that the weather wasn’t supposed to be ideal didn’t deter me. It was the beach; therefore, the water is where I go. However, the air temperature maxed-out at something like 68 degrees, there appeared to be the presence of what seemed like gale force winds, and the water seemed fit for penguins and polar bears. On top of all that the riptide was crazy, which made the water really rough. This all seemed to be a recipe for gigantic waves. Usually when I body surf I complain about the waves not being big enough, but these waves were easily twice my height, and even I don’t have that kind of courage. I made myself go in a few times, but at 1 point I looked to my left and to my right and there wasn’t another single soul in the water as far as my eyes could see. I ended up leaving the beach having failed to ride a wave for the 1st time since I don’t know when…discretion is the better part of valor though, and with that in mind I decided to live to fight another day…which hopefully will be sooner than later.