He Does It Again: Romo the Bozo

When I left the Dallas-Green Bay game yesterday, the game was well in hand for the Cowboys. It was halftime, and America’s Team had just gone up 26-3 with a 1 yard DeMarco Murray touchdown plunge just before halftime. The game was all but over, and it looked like the hated Cowboys would prove their overrated-ness once again, beating up on yet another hapless foe at home after being rag-dolled the week before on the road against another playoff contender. As I was heading back to the TV set from where I had previously ventured off to, I got word from the magic of a mobile device that Green Bay had somehow taken the lead! Minutes later, I found out the game was over: Green Bay 37, Dallas 36. My one singular thought in that moment: how did Tony Romo f*** it up this time?

Ahh, the familiar Tony Romo walk-o-shame.

Romo’s plight is part his own doing and partly the result of being the face of the most overhyped, overpraised, and overrated team in American professional sports of the last 10-15 years. (As a lifelong Redskins’ fan, I can at least take some solace in this as Washington lost again yesterday. I’ve decided to go mute about the Skins until season’s end, when I can properly rant and vent away my frustrations.) Playing quarterback for the Dallas Cowboys is probably the most glamorous position in all of sports, and an idea that Romo is smart enough to understand the ramifications of. So, when he fumbles, intercepts, or foibles away another meaningful game somehow, someway, one more time, he knows his head is going to wind up on a stick that week no matter how gaudy his numbers look.

Romo’s main problem continues to be his miserable record in December. But the counterargument to that is always made that his numbers stack up with just about any quarterback in the league over the last 5 to 10 seasons, and others (bad coaches, a bad defense, etc.) are always more to blame. But much like the Cowboys themselves, those numbers are inflated to a large degree. Again yesterday, some of Romo’s numbers looked very nice on their own: 60% completion rate, 358 yards throwing, and 2 touchdowns. But those numbers don’t include 2 critical late game interceptions, and the decision to audible to a throw instead of turn around and hand the ball off to Murray on 1 of those plays…however, personally I wonder how many times Romo audibles to a pass throughout the course of a game.

You see, not only is Romo overrated by all of us, he also seems like (nice of a guy as he seems) to overrate himself. His numbers might be nearly as good as Tom Brady’s, Peyton Manning’s, or Drew Brees’, but he’s not any of those guys…but Romo believes the hype, and thinks he is. If you’ve read anything coming out of Dallas this year, you know that Romo is extremely involved in the Cowboys’ offensive gameplanning, and he seems to have full authority to change the play at any time based on what he sees. More often than not (and DeMarco Murray fantasy owners, like myself, will nod their heads silently to this), it seems like he’s audibling to a pass play. He simply gets too cute with his audibling at times. Peyton Manning and Tom Brady he is not, who both check to different plays at the line all the time, but who also have no problem changing the play to a run…and doing so over and over again if they see it's working.

Hence the true issue to yesterday’s game: word is that on the game-changing interception, Romo changed the call from a pass to a run at the line. But that play was indicative of the whole 2nd half, as the Cowboys only rushed the ball a whopping 7 times as a team after intermission. That is all while holding 2nd half leads at various times of 26-10, 29-10, 29-17, 29-24, 36-24, and 36-31. Now, you can spread some blame to Dallas’ pitiful defense and seemingly inept coaching staff if you want, but to me much of the blame rests on Romo and his ego. It’s hard for me to fathom that an offensive coordinator with that lead at that point in the game would call for so few runs.

What’s worse about the whole thing is that Murray ran for 134 yards on only 18 carries…he basically averaged an absurd 2 1st downs every 3 touches…and yet Dallas is still chucking it around nearly 50 times a game. This has become a familiar pattern, as Murray had a similar line of 146 yards on 18 totes the week before in Chicago. Their defense showed to be abysmal in that game also, but one wonders why not ride your stud running back a little more with a bad defense, especially when he’s producing like that. (This has been true for Romo’s entire Dallas tenure, as I always fear the Cowboys just deciding to run the ball 50 times – whether it’s Murray or Felix Jones or Marion Barber or whoever – when playing Washington. What I don’t fear is Tony Romo, as I know he’s probably going to try to give away the game at some point somehow.)

Cowboy fans and DeMarco Murray fantasy owners alike had similar reactions yesterday.

Instead, Romo will probably get a pass for his performance once again. His numbers are just so good otherwise, and he seems like such a nice fella, and he looks like he’s trying oh-so-hard. And yet he really has no one to blame but himself for his failures to this point. The aww shucks attitude isn’t fooling me anymore…ego and hubris strike again.

Ad Nauseum: Will It Make This Blog Pop Off?

After watching my hapless Redskins complete the transformation from not great team that could still possibly get hot and make a postseason run at some point to terrible team that puts me in a state of depression every time I watch to un-salvageable trainwreck of a team who absurd leaked stories about now seem completely plausible, there wasn't much that could put me in a better mood...and then NBA TV kept running and rerunning and rerunning this Best Buy Beats Pill ad. It is admittedly stupid and yet is undeniably brilliant on some level at the same time. And the fact that I kept replaying it on my iPhone to the point where Krissy could only roll her eyes at me is only more proof that it had to be posted here. No other context needed...you're welcome.

Ad Nauseum: 2013 Basketball Sneaker Commercials for Your Viewing Pleasure

Having not posted anything new in weeks, naturally my 1st update would be some nonsensical ramblings about TV commercials…naturally. But in the last few weeks, with the NBA season revving up, it was hard to ignore ads for basketball sneakers. Over the last twenty years, you could argue that there aren’t many consumer goods that have ruled the world more so than basketball high tops…and being a semi-reformed sneaker-head, I admit I have been part of the problem, not the solution. Traditionally, we are used to seeing very smart, clever, and eye-popping TV spots run by Nike and their Jordan brand, but Adidas and Reebok (which I think is owned by Adidas now) have recently ramped up some of their ads to try to compete. The results have been mixed. 1st of all, Nike still rules the world of sneakers like the Evil Empire over a galaxy far, far away. 2nd, I would put Nike’s advertizing and marketing departments on the highest level of genius for anyone in those fields for any company in the world.

One reason for this success is partly luck. When there is a choice, Nike always seem to pick the right guys to back or vice versa. Maybe it’s part shrewdness too, but outside of possessing super-human powers of fortune-telling, no one could have predicted Derrick Rose would suffer 2 major knee injuries in a year and a half. I think it would be pretty dumb to assume any shoe pusher would not want D-Rose in their stable of athletes, but the fact that Adidas’ numero uno is an again-injured Rose while Nike rolls out more fresh LeBrons and KDs doesn’t hurt their appearance in the least bit. The series of Rose ads that have basically been playing since he got hurt 2 springs ago are actually really, really good on their own…which just serves to highlight how sad Rose’s latest injury is. For the record, I was picking last in the 1st round of my fantasy basketball league, and took Rose thinking that he was going to have a monster bounce-back year. Sigh.

While the Adidas ad is just depressing, Reebok’s new “Game Recognize Game” commercial is…head-scratching? Honestly, I don’t even know what other adjectives would be appropriate to describe it. This commercial would be fine if it was just a bunch of no-name streetballers, or maybe even if the only recognizable – get it? – guy was Nerlens Noel, a young buck who was the most hyped kid in college basketball last year before blowing out his knee. Plus, it kind of goes with the recent trend of guys coming off injuries making commercial appearances…but we have recent history to prove (the aforementioned D-Rose as well as RG3) that that ad campaign style might spawn some kind of bad shoe company karma. Plus, isn’t Noel out for the season rehabbing? He’s yamming down an off-the-backboard ‘oop in this ad…wait, actually shouldn’t we be making a bigger deal out of this? And I haven’t even gotten to Isaiah Thomas (the one not in the Hall of Fame) and Jason Terry. I actually had to look up who the 3rd guy in the commercial was because I didn’t recognize Thomas without his headband at all. But what makes anyone think Jason Terry is good enough to headline a commercial for anything, much less basketball shoes? And the worst part is he doesn’t even do anything in the commercial! Outlet pass to Thomas and then mean-mug your way back down the court high-fiving the tweens watching from the sidelines. Yeesh…maybe leave the TV commercials to Nike for now, you guys.

Christmas Came Early in the Form of the Chargers for Washington; Season Technically Not Dead Yet

As Phillip Rivers sprinted to his right and threw an incomplete pass on 3rd and goal from the 1 with time trickling down in the 4th quarter, I turned to Krissy and said these exact words: that was a gift. And honestly, I feel like much of the entire W was gifted to Washington yesterday afternoon. The Redskins had been the better team for much of the day, but they did such a p***-poor job in so many aspects at the close of regulation that it was tough not to feel they deserved to lose.

Up 3 with the ball with over 3 minutes to go in the game, they should have been able to chew some clock or at least make San Diego burn all of their timeouts even if they went 3-and-out. Instead, a holding penalty and an incomplete pass allowed the Chargers the ball back before the 2 minute warning with (I believe) their full complement of timeouts.

The Chargers then moved the ball down the field with such ease that you wondered if they were only playing against 9 defenders. Receivers were running around wide open. Rivers’ check-down passes gained large chunks of yardage with little resistance. The not-so-fleet-of-foot Rivers even ran for a 1st down himself and got out of bounds to stop the clock to boot. The Redskins even burned their last timeout on defense because they weren’t aligned right or something (facepalm), giving San Diego even more of an opportunity.

Yes, that.

The drive looked as if it would culminate on a Danny Woodhead dive to the pylon. Looking at all of the replay angles, it appeared that Woodhead probably didn’t actually cross the goal line, but it could easily have been ruled as one of those reviews where there wasn’t conclusive evidence to change the call on the field. However, fate may have smiled on Washington for that one brief moment when the call was reversed, and the ball was placed inside the 1.

Still, the situation looked dire to say the least: 1st and goal from the half yard line with 20 some seconds to play and 2 timeouts left…all the tools necessary to not only win the game but bleed basically the entire clock too…except the San Diego coaching staff inexplicably lost their minds for a few minutes.

In that situation, I fully expected the Chargers to try at least 2 running plays with maybe 1 play-action pass mixed in. They tried a run on 1st down, which to the Redskins’ credit was stuffed…however, it was a shot gun handoff to the most diminutive back (Woodhead) on the roster. 2nd down was a fade pass to Antonio Gates that had zero chance of being completed. The Chargers’ 3rd down play was the post-Halloween treat described above.

They kicked a field goal to send the game into overtime, but Washington got it’s 2nd stroke of luck by winning the overtime coin toss, which they followed by marching down the field and scoring to end the game before Rivers and company ever got their hands on the ball again.

Did I mention the game-winning score was by seldom-used-in-a-ball-carrying-fashion, Darrell Young? His 3rd of the day? No? Ok, well there you go.

Unbelievably, as bad as this Redskins team has been so far this year, it was a win that put them at 3-5 and a mere game and a half out of 1st place in the extremely lousy NFC East. In what seems like a lifetime ago, that was actually the same record Washington had at the midway point last season.

In fact, if Washington wins in Minnesota on Thursday, a game which they may be favored, they would be 4-5…only a game out of 1st, and a game better than last season’s 3-6 at the same point in the year. Now, I’m getting super ahead of myself because that team closed the season with 7 straight wins. That will be tough to duplicate with home games against the 49ers and Chiefs still on the schedule, but they also have 4 games left against their stinky division rivals. In some absurd way, they actually control their own destiny sitting at 3-5…a tale of mediocrity at its finest, and maybe the greatest gift the Redskins could ask for.

To the Winners Go the Spoils...Or the Low-Risk, High-Reward Stock Options at Least: The Offseason Additions of the Miami Heat

With everything else going on in the sports world including the MLB playoffs, the NFL season, and the start of the NHL season (wait, f*** it, I don’t care about hockey), it’s almost shameful to talk NBA right now. And yet with NBA teams all in the midst of training camp, maybe it’s a good time to take a look at the upcoming season.

There are plenty of good storylines to talk about including the return of D-Rose, the new-look Brooklyn Nets, Kobe’s achilles, and Dwight Howard’s new home in Houston…but look for the same team that has dominated the headlines since the inception of its current core to do so again this year: yes, the Miami Heat.

Yea, those guys.

It’s fascinating to look back at the expectations that these Heat have had going into each of their seasons together. After signing LeBron James and Chris Bosh, people wondered whether they would win 70-plus games. Going into season 2, there was almost a sense of panic and wonderment as to whether they would ever live up to those original expectations. Going into season 3, the pressure of living up to those expectations had lessened, but people still wondered if they could sustain the level of greatness they had shown.

Going into season 4, having been to 3 NBA Finals and winning 2 titles in those 1st 3 years, the only pressure they really face is historical. If they lose, they will be thought of as having a very good run over the course of a 4 year span. If they win a 3rd straight championship, theirs will be measured against the great franchise runs in league history.

And that no pressure approach seemed to apply to what they did in the offseason as well. Originally thought to be pretty hamstrung by the salaries on their current roster and the luxury tax, Miami saved some dough by applying the amnesty clause to Mike Miller. Then, they re-upped with Chris Anderson, who proved to be a valuable high energy big guy off the bench last year. Then, they won the Greg Oden sweepstakes (if you want to call it that). Then, they acquired the very talented but often troubled Michael Beasley.

If Oden can give Miami just 10-12 minutes a night in April, May, and June, it might be the steal of the century.

The Anderson resigning was a smart one given Udonis Haslem’s decline, that Miami’s roster possesses no other real rim protectors, and the fact that Anderson seemed to blend in well with the rest of the roster. The pick-ups of Oden and Beasley were the kind of moves that a 2-time defending champion bringing basically everyone back can afford to make.

Oden and Beasley have had very troubled careers (for very different reasons) up to this point. If things don’t work out, the incentive-laden deals that both signed won’t make a dent in Miami’s short or long term plans. But because the Heat are already a ready-made championship team, there won’t be any pressure on them to produce right away either.

Umm, see the above caption from the Oden pic. Replace Oden with Beasley. Done.

In the worst case scenario, Beasley does something dumb again, Oden’s woesome knee problems continue, and neither ever ends up contributing. The next step up would be that they stay on the roster but just never crack Miami’s already loaded rotation, and they wind up being bench neighbors with other high profile garbage-timers like Rashard Lewis.

Miami has the locker room, talent, and clout to absorb any and all of that though. In fact, if Oden and Beasley never play a minute this year, the Heat will still be the odds-on favorite to win it all again. But if the 2 can actually get on the court and blend into Miami’s system, they could fill 2 supporting roles that the Heat have never had since James and Bosh came to town: a true 7-foot, paint-patrolling, rim-protecting behemoth, and an athletic combo forward who could possibly take some of the wing scoring pressure off of Dwyane Wade and James for a couple minutes a game.

Getting Dunked On: The New #1 Threat to People Everywhere

Because we live in the Twitter era, stuff can go viral at any moment. And that stuff could be anything. Usually, it’s something that 99.9% of people wouldn’t have even noticed if they saw it once. But it’s the whole viral part that makes you stop and say to yourself, Hey there’s that thing I know. From memes to catchphrases (YOLO), from planking to Tebow-ing, from “Gangnam Style” to “The Harlem Shake”…like I said, it literally could be anything. The next thing that goes viral will probably be a thing that you didn’t even know was thing until it became a thing…make sense?

Well, the next thing I hope goes at least a little bit viral (maybe dopes like me posting stuff about it will help a little) is dunking. Yes, it has to do with dunking a basketball. But no, it’s not about LeBron posterizing Jason Terry…well, maybe it is a little bit…but really it’s about regular everyday shmucks banging on one of their poor unsuspecting shmuck friends. Now, I think this is a little bit viral already…if that’s possible…I guess something is either viral or it’s not. Ahh, screw it! On to the GIFs!

1st, we have the GIF that might have started this whole idea, which was so aptly titled on certain GIF websites as “You Can Get Dunked On Anywhere.” It laid the foundation for everything else to follow. And as we see, you don’t even technically need any kind of hoop…just a dunker, someone who’s willing to be in on it, and a victim.

But if you want to get fancy, you can also dress up, get a larger group to be in on the prank, and use some nicer props. The trashcan worked in a pinch, but this one gets an “A” for choreography.

If you find a willing participant who’s foolish enough to be on the receiving end of a facial, even better yet.

And if dunking isn’t your thing, you can always play some defense. Even Gumby can get in on the act.

Wherever you are though, watch your back, watch your front, and watch your side…or else the next person that gets dunked on could be…Y…O…U.

Rolling the Dice with Some Major Fantasy Football Moves

Ok, so remember the last paragraph of my last post?

Of course not…

Often times in fantasy football trades, much like real life sports team moves, the best ones are the ones that never even happen. Too often people make changes to their roster just for change’s sake alone. Now, it’s true that if your team is pretty sucky, there are times when a roster move can work just because it shakes things up from the way they were before, but usually the results are an ugly mish-mash of players that just don’t work, and you end up with Monta Ellis, Brandon Jennings, and JJ Reddick manning your backcourt one year (and OJ Mayo, Brandon Knight, and Luke Ridnour the next).

Yes, I’m looking at you, Milwaukee.

More often than not, I follow my own advice. When the Redskins used to trade away draft pick after draft pick for old, overpriced, overrated players that didn’t fit their system, it would drive me nuts. As a fan, I’d much rather suffer through an awful season or 2 and rebuild the right way than constantly be in that 7-9/9-7 no-man’s land every season. Similarly, with my fantasy teams I usually practice patience and stick it out with who I draft (for the most part…smaller trades and free agent pick-ups aside) rather than make wholesale changes. In my own stubborn head, I usually believe that I drafted smartly (even when I didn’t), and I feel like the players I already have can turn my season around.

Well, not this year, motherf***er.

Aww yeah, son!

Sitting at 1-3 with 3 straight L’s, I’d seen enough. Within the span of about an hour yesterday morning, I completed not 1, but 2, multiplayer deals. This morning I sealed the transformation with a couple free agent pick-ups as well. In the 2 trades I said so long to Aaron Rodgers, AJ Green, Darren Sproles, Eddie Lacy, and Bernard Pierce…and hello to Matt Forte, DeMarco Murray, Dwayne Bowe, Greg Jennings, and Zach Miller. Jennings was inconsequential…if he performs well enough to actually crack my lineup, mazel tov to me…if not, oh well. If Jennings was inconsequential, Miller was irrelevant (he was just a throw-in for 1 of the trades, and I promptly dropped him this morning).

It was a wild 24 hours to be sure. Out of my current starting position skill players, only 1 (Larry Fitzgerald) or 2 (Steve Smith) were even drafted by me. My wide receiver corps is definitely weakened, but at least I have 2 reliable plug-and-go running backs that I shouldn’t have to worry about (save for an injury) for the rest of the season…unlike before, when I had to deal with weekly running back-roulette bulls***. As for quarterback and tight end, all I can really say now is, we’ll see.

The best part about making a couple of high profile moves is that even if you’re in last place, it ruffles some feathers. What was a warm, cuddly, quiet league a few days ago is now whipped into a frenzy. When people see a couple of moves being made, everyone then wants to make a move from fear of falling behind…even if they don’t need to (see above). The question is whether or not all this change will help me win…I guess myself and the Milwaukee Bucks of the world will find out soon enough.

Ok, maybe I'm not loving the Milwaukee Bucks imagery so much anymore.