Body Of Work

This past weekend Krissy graduated from Salisbury University, which we and our families used as an excuse to find someone we know with a house relatively near Ocean City, pile into our cars, and head to the beach. For me going to the beach means 1 thing: body surfing. Probably since I was a teenager, body surfing is how I spent the majority of my time whenever I found myself at a beach. Sure, it’s not like I never did other “beachy” things like play volleyball or paddleball, toss around a football or a frisbee, or dig substantially sized holes in the sand, but for me those always just ended up being filler activities before I was back out in the waves.

No, not that kind of body surfing...eww.

How exactly did this obsession start? Well, from an early age my 2 younger siblings and I always loved being in the water. When we had finally gotten big enough and brave enough, my parents bought us boogie boards. There was 1 year that we got a huge inner tube…the heavy-duty kind that was meant for towing someone around behind a powerboat or something. Most of that vacation was spent trying to somehow get all 3 of us (my brother, sister, and I) on the tube at the same time, and then our Dad would hurl/push/spin us into a giant wave just as it was breaking. This would invariably flip the tube over, thus corkscrewing the 3 of us into the water like a puny little sailboat getting capsized by a tsunami. Most other beachgoers probably thought we were nuts, but to us this was the epitome of fun. (Looking back now, it’s a wonder we didn’t break our necks, and I’m not even sure if today’s more hypersensitive fun-sucking lifeguards wouldn’t have started to blow their whistles at us as soon as they saw our giant inner tube touch the water, but it was fun none the less.)

Eventually, I kind of outgrew the boogie boards and inner tubes though; however, anyone who has seen me try to ice skate or ski would probably tell you that me getting on a surfboard might not be the world’s greatest idea, so I never tried it (I may still want to attempt it 1 day). When I was 11 or 12, I remember seeing these 2 older kids (probably 15 or 16 years old) riding waves, but as I looked closer I could see that they had no board! I was instantly fascinated. These older kids were getting better rides than I had ever gotten using a boogie board, and they didn’t have to worry about being annoyingly tethered to a foam rectangle the whole time, which for all the fun you got out of them sometimes didn’t seem to be worth the trouble.

The rest of that week at the beach, I would venture out to the water whenever I saw them body surfing, and I would try to just do what they did (from a safe enough distance away that I didn’t seem like a copycat/poser/completely uncool little kid). I would stand as far out as they stood, pick the waves out that they picked, started paddling when they started paddling, etc. When the 2 older dudes weren’t in the water, I would keep practicing on my own. My success rate was abysmally low. Most of the time, I simply missed the wave altogether. I usually found that I had either started paddling too late, didn’t paddle hard enough, or was out of position in the 1st place. I tried to employ the boogie board strategy of just placing yourself right where the wave is going to break too. That usually works when you’re boogie boarding because the buoyancy of a boogie board basically allows you to “catch” the wave at any point after it’s already broken (as long as you’re standing in front of the wave). If you’re trying to body surf though, this usually results in getting face-planted into the ground. Consequently, I spent most of my early body surfing days with very tired limbs from swimming and eating a lot of sand without much riding to actually show for it.

At some point, it just kind of clicked though: where to place yourself in relation to where the waves were breaking, when to paddle, and just the right amount of courage. (I’ve found that most good rides require you to go right up to that “line” of completely wiping out, so not being afraid to actually get crushed once in a while is important.) Not to sound like a cocky a******, but it’s at the point that I only know a handful of people in my circle (the Osborne brothers and Krissy’s brother Nick for example) that are as good at it as me, and I rarely see a random person that is actually any good at it either. Then again, it’s not really something that carries much cache to be good at…just like nobody really cares if you’re good at hacky sack or ultimate frisbee either. If you’re so good at those, why aren’t you playing soccer or football or something, and if you’re such a great body surfer, why don’t you really surf…you know, with a surfboard? Also, it’s probably something that is not that difficult to get good at if you actually try. I am not the strongest swimmer, nor am I the bravest person in terms of putting my body in harm’s way, so there could be millions of people out there that are better at it than me.

Valid points…still 1 of the most fun parts about body surfing is being completely condescending and snobbish towards people who stink at it! Everything in life shouldn’t be a competition, but if you’re my age and I see you on a boogie board, I immediately label you as a cheater. You’re Barry Bonds at that point. You can ride that wave a mile inland if you want, but it doesn’t count in my book. People who actually make a valid attempt at body surfing gain a little more respect in my eyes, but they are still fair game for poking fun at. More often than not, this occurs with large groups of guys in the water that appear otherwise athletic, but just can’t grasp the body surfing technique. Nothing makes me happier than watching them furiously paddle after a wave only to let it pass them by because they were out of position or because they just plain chickened-out (or when they actually think they caught a wave only to get pummeled by it).

"Herp-derp...look at me, Mom!"

 So, when I found out that I was going to have 2 beach days this past weekend, I was stoked. The fact that the weather wasn’t supposed to be ideal didn’t deter me. It was the beach; therefore, the water is where I go. However, the air temperature maxed-out at something like 68 degrees, there appeared to be the presence of what seemed like gale force winds, and the water seemed fit for penguins and polar bears. On top of all that the riptide was crazy, which made the water really rough. This all seemed to be a recipe for gigantic waves. Usually when I body surf I complain about the waves not being big enough, but these waves were easily twice my height, and even I don’t have that kind of courage. I made myself go in a few times, but at 1 point I looked to my left and to my right and there wasn’t another single soul in the water as far as my eyes could see. I ended up leaving the beach having failed to ride a wave for the 1st time since I don’t know when…discretion is the better part of valor though, and with that in mind I decided to live to fight another day…which hopefully will be sooner than later.